Question: If you could find out the exact age you'd find "the one" ... would you?
A little over a year ago, my former editor called me and said that a "numerologist" had got in touch with the publication, asking if he could give me a numerology reading that would tell me when I would meet "the one".
After a small ponder, curiosity got the better of me and I decided, why the heck not? This is slightly embarrassing to admit, but when often faced with a text from a bloke that makes me think "WTF?!" I may or may not turn to my star sign reading for the day to see if any sense can be made of the circumstance there.
I also must confess that when I like a bloke, I've even found out what star sign he is and googled whether our star signs are compatible.
Turns out I need to stay far, far away from Aries blokes. Hmm ... or horoscopes. (Jana Hocking, you really need to have a good hard look at yourself.)
As for the numerologist, wouldn't we all like to know how long we're going to be stuck on the singles bench before someone comes along and takes our fancy for good?
So the next day, I found a quiet spot in a meeting room during my lunch break and dialled the number that had been sent to me for my reading.
Now, what I am about to tell you I actually haven't been able to write about for quite a while. You see, it left me so upset and a little freaked out, that I actually chose to completely ignore it and try and forget about it.
However, enough time has passed that I feel ready to take it out from the hidden compartment in this ol' brain of mine, dust it off and inspect it with a proper magnifying glass.
OK, so I'm sitting in the quiet meeting room, I've dialled the numerologist's number, and a man with a bit of a rough, older voice (I'm guessing in his 50s) answers, and he really wasn't what I expected.
When I picture a numerologist, I think of someone with a whimsical voice, a lovely caring nature and a bit airy-fairy, you know?
What I got was a gruff, factual bloke who kept barking numbers at me. He told me to write everything down as he talked and kept doing maths and saying things like "your life path number is a nine and you need to go for a man who is a number five!"
Could you imagine turning up to a date and being like "Now listen, before I have a drink with you I need to know ... what is your life path number? Oh you are a six, sorry I'm going to have to pass on this date."
He told me that my life path number meant that my life goal was to be a humanitarian. He said that my traits are generosity and empathy. Now, in all honesty, I would love those to be my traits, but I wouldn't say they were my main traits.
Sure, I'll cry while watching a World Vision ad on the telly, and I'll shout a friend a coffee, but am I racing out to join UNICEF or donating my time at soup kitchens? No, no I am not. *Hangs head in shame*.
It was suggested that I would make a good social worker, tour guide or coach. I can safely say these were never options put forward by my high school career adviser. I've always been more of a "camera, lights, action" kinda girl. Give me live radio theatrics, fun reality show planning, and the adrenaline rush of a deadline any day of the week.
So then we get onto the really juicy stuff ... my love life!
Turns out I missed an opportunity to settle down with a bloke in either 2011 or 2012. When I quickly flicked through Facebook to see what I was doing back then, it turns out I either mucked it up with "the farmer", who stole money from me, or possibly "the footballer", who I adored more as a friend.
Now he finally steers the reading to the big question ... when will I find the one? Drum rolls please ... He quickly did the math, using numbers from the time I was born and my birth date, and announced I would find "the one" at the grand old age of ... 45 years old!
Yep, I was still 10 whole years away from settling down!
At first, I was shocked, and then I burst into tears. Yep, in a glass-windowed meeting room I Burst. Into. Tears.
Oh, the shame!
Then I got angry! Like, really angry. I demanded to know how the heck he could know such a thing? Does he go around upsetting people for fun? Who was he tell me when I would settle down? Does he take pleasure in preying on vulnerable women who are craving an answer after years of ridiculous dating?
Upon reflection, I'm not proud of what I said, and I have to admit I was a little surprised by my strong reaction, but then he added a final little twist of the knife by saying: "Oh, and don't get married in 2022. That wouldn't be wise for you."
I hung up feeling absolutely deflated. What was the point of dating if my "forever person" wasn't set to make their grand entrance for another 10 whopping years?!
In a moment of desperation I even googled "when did numerology get it wrong?" Yep, I did. Then I got on with my day.
After sitting on it for about a week, I noticed something change in me. For some reason I felt free. I felt like the pressure had been taken off a little. If I wasn't settling down anytime soon, why not chill and enjoy life a little more?
I know I sound completely bonkers, but whether it's a placebo or there really is a universe full of kooky magical numbers that decides your life path, if 45 years old is when I'll meet the poor sucker of my dreams ... then what's everyone doing for the next 10 years?
Because it turns out my plans are looking pretty darn free!