Kids are growing up online, immersed in social media. Photo / 123RF
The “stranger danger” fears of the 20th century can seem quaint compared with the horror stories kids may come across in the digital world. Before the internet, parents feared sexual predators or drug dealers having physical access to their children. Now, they’re just a swipe away.
Kids are growing up online, immersed in social media, obsessed with it and, in some cases, addicted to it. More than 95% of teens in the US use social media, with a third saying they are logged on almost constantly. The fabric of their social lives has shifted from classrooms to smartphone apps, video games and chat forums — internet spaces where it can be impossible to know who you’re really talking to. And, as Bloomberg’s new documentary Can’t Look Away demonstrates, these online environments can be dangerous and even deadly. The film, which is streaming on Jolt, follows a group of attorneys fighting to hold social media companies accountable for causing devastating harm to kids: cases where teens were ruthlessly blackmailed by international gangs of cyber-sextortionists or sold deadly counterfeit pills by drug dealers who deliver through their bedroom windows.
Many parents feel “frazzled” when trying to navigate the best practices for raising children in the digital world, says David Polgar, founder of the responsible tech nonprofit All Tech Is Human. Every app has its own parental control tools, and the companies encourage parents to master them, he says, but some parents find the tools counter-intuitive and struggle to keep up when their kids are active on dozens of apps. Plus, kids — who are often more digitally savvy than their parents — know how to disable them.
“We are going through a digital crisis for our kids. It’s a real public health crisis,” says Laura Ordoñez of Common Sense Media. “We see malaise and exhaustion from parents,” she says. “Everything is falling onto the parents.”
Bloomberg connected with experts from online child safety nonprofits Thorn, the Family Online Safety Institute and Common Sense Media to come up with the top five basic things parents can do to protect their children in the digital world.
Talk to your child about appropriate and inappropriate digital behaviour before they are given access to a smartphone or device. This can be as simple as telling your child that the rules in the real world, around things such as bullying, swear words or talking to strangers, also apply online. Then, leave the door open so your child feels comfortable coming to you directly with any questions or concerns they may have.
These conversations don’t have to be formal; the more relaxed you are talking about this subject, the less scary it will be for them. Melissa Stroebel, head of research at the online child safety nonprofit Thorn, says the key is to talk to your child early and often about safety as soon as they start engaging with the digital world. “The age of the child is really a personal decision for every household because the child, the household and the first technology they use will be different,” she says. For parents seeking specific examples, Stroebel pointed towards Thorn’s online discussion guide, which provides talking points tailored for children aged 7 to 17.
When your child first starts using a device, be interested in their digital life: play along with them and let them show you the games they enjoy or the characters they like creating. Teaching your children good digital hygiene, such as managing friend requests from strangers or enjoying screen-free downtime, can be viewed as a family bonding experience rather than a chore. Early encouragement means children will likely continue to share as they get older and start downloading social media apps.
Experts say you can also set the expectation that when kids prove they can act responsibly on one game or app, you’ll consider giving them access to more. “Tell them there’s going to be a progression of permission on the internet,” Polgar says.
Risky interactions are happening online far earlier than many parents may expect — children as young as nine are being solicited to send intimate images. Make sure you show your children the monsters before they come through their phone, and don’t be afraid to speak candidly about the dangers of the digital world in an age-appropriate way. For example, when speaking to a 7-year-old, a parent might ask: “Have you ever seen anything online that you knew was for adults and not for kids?” Or when talking to a 12-year-old, they might say: “Has anyone ever made you feel weird or nervous online?”
Don’t sugarcoat issues such as sextortion, where teens are lured into sending naked or explicit content and then blackmailed for it. Tell them about the potential risks of sending something inappropriate — a mean comment or a nude photo — and explain how it could be screenshotted and shared around their school. Embrace the awkwardness, create a nonjudgmental zone.
Laura Marquez-Garrett, a lawyer with the Social Media Victims Law Centre who represents families whose children have been targeted in sextortion cases, says mistakes and poor choices are regrettable, but they happen, and the way parents or guardians respond is crucial. Parents can read through news articles with their children about digital dangers or watch relevant television shows with them, such as the new Netflix hit series Adolescence, which explores murder in the manosphere, to normalise these conversations.
Before giving your child unrestricted access to the internet, have a device strategy in place and be clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Some families might want to enforce screen-free zones, such as bedrooms, or strict no-phone policies until homework and chores are completed. Others may require that children provide the passcodes to their devices so parents can spot-check their phones. And others could adopt free parental-control tools such as Apple’s Screen Time, which allows parents to manage their child’s iPhone or iPad remotely and set time limits on specific apps.
Whatever digital parameters you set, keep them. If the rules are broken, enforce appropriate consequences, such as a device ban for a previously agreed-upon period of time.
Any device rules in your household should be followed by the caregivers, too. For example, if you don’t want your child to use their phone at the dinner table or right before bed, then you should refrain from those behaviours. If your child sees you constantly scrolling or always looking at a screen, they’ll try to mirror that behaviour, so put down your phone to show you’re not addicted to your device.
“As a parent, it’s so important to model healthy digital habits and to use technology alongside your child, letting them see when you are making mistakes or having wins,” says Ordoñez. Practising what you preach in the real world will help your children interact better in their digital worlds where, at least until the laws catch up, predators don’t need to lurk in the shadows.
The average age of patients in the study was just 38, highlighting risks for younger adults.