Fifteen reasons why being 50 is way better than being 30

Just when you thought it was all downhill, here are 15 reasons your middle years are actually where the party's at. Photo / Getty Images

If you have been watching Cold Feet again, you will know that it takes a fairly gloomy view of life in the run up to 50. The message, so far, is things can only get worse, which seems a pity when lots of things actually get better.

Some of us know that, as new figures show. Fiftieth birthday parties have now overtaken 21st celebrations, with 50 considered the "peak" age to throw a bash.

So, for those of you who need reminding here are some of the benefits of being almost 50...

1. YOU CAN NOW BE GOOD FOR YOUR AGE

If you have previously been averagely, to below averagely attractive, these are your second chance years. (Obviously it's bad luck for the pretty ones, for whom it's undoubtedly all downhill from here, but Oh Well. They have had their decades in the sun).

You have settled somewhere, and are past those "will we / won't we build a glass box on a hillside like in Grand Designs" years.

2. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM

...Complaining about poor service, or cold callers, or people who ring the doorbell at 8pm on a Friday night wanting money for cats, or shop assistants who pretend they can't see you or, once, misogynistic rap music being played in a shoe shop.

3. ONE FOR THE FEMAILS MAINLY

You stop fannying around with your hairstyle and hem lengths, and have accepted that you suit about three things. This means you have a third of the clothes you previously had, take a quarter of the time to get dressed, and probably look much better for it.

4. YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN EXPERIENCE HAIRDRESSER'S CHAIR FREEZE

That condition when, in spite of seeing yourself being given a Henry V bob, you cannot speak let alone intervene.

5. YOU LOSE FOMO ALTOGETHER

If anything, these days you have FOGO (fear of going out) and you secretly quite like it when people cancel because you're feeling knackered and boring.

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6. YOU HAVE FINALLY WORKED OUT...

That you can't drink a 14 per cent red rioja and get out of bed the next day. It's partly that your survival instinct has kicked in, but mainly that you're not afraid to say 'have you got anything that isn't the consistency of bull's blood?'

7. YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO SPLASH OUT ON EYE SERUM

Back when you had youth going for you that sort of grooming outlay made you feel guilty.

8. YOU'VE GIVEN UP PRETENDING TO BE FRIENDS WITH HALF YOUR FRIENDS

You are still friends, but there is a general acceptance that regular contact is not feasible, and while this used to worry you it makes for a less stressful life.

9. YOU START TO APPRECIATE YOUR BODY

Not so long ago you had it in for your knees/arms/most of it, apart from your feet. Now you are just grateful to be in reasonable working order.

10. YOU ARE NOT IN AWE OF ANYONE

Famous. Rich. Gorgeous. Fearsomely intelligent. Being 50-plus means you would happily engage Boris Johnson in a conversation about slug pellets - you don't really care.

11. YOU'RE NOT BOTHERED BY PEOPLE THINKING YOU AREN'T COOL IF YOU

That took a while.

12. YOU DON'T NEED TO SUNBATHE

How much faffing around with four different factors and reapplying and reading a book standing up while it dries has that avoided?

You have progressed from complaining about your partner to formulating strategies to keep them alive. This is much better for both of you

Shane Watson

Shane Watson

13. PEOPLE MAY SEEK YOUR ADVICE

This is shocking the first time it happens. A stranger (obviously very young) asks your opinion on something based on your age (The fall of the Berlin Wall) and then you get to quite like it.

14. YOU HAVE PROGRESSED FROM COMPLAINING...

About your partner to formulating strategies to keep them alive. This is much better for both of you.

15. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO LIKE THINGS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE CHALLENGING

You have arrived at a place where you are able to say I have no desire to get in a wetsuit at 11pm to go whale watching. See you at lunch.

So there it is. Let the good times roll.