I played it far too cool - to the point where she thought I wasn’t interested - but I was absolutely smitten, James Tito says of meeting Awhimai Fraser for the first time. Photo / Supplied
Awhimai Fraser and James Tito have spent more than a decade carving their own paths in the Aotearoa entertainment industry, so it makes sense they got engaged on stage.
Fraser (Ngāti Pūkenga, Ngāi Tāmanuhiri and Ngāti Kahungunu) starred in Moana 2 and Shortland Street, is kaihere ao at NZ Opera and is currently touring New Zealand as Anne in the musical &Juliet.
Tito (Ngāti Tūwharetoa, Ngāpuhi, Raukawa, Kūki Āirani) is an actor, director, composer and a founding member of the Modern Māori Quartet.
The pair have been together for 11 years and thought they had their touring and filming schedules - and stints of long-distance love -all figured out. But when their son Kupa was born, their focus changed.
As part of the Herald’s new series, How we make it work, Tito and Fraser explain how they juggle work and family life - and why he proposed mid-performance.
I still remember the night I first met Awhi in Wellington back in 2015. I’d just driven down from Auckland with the Modern Māori Quartet, and after a massive drive, we decided on a whim to pop into the opening night of a show.
There, a mutual friend introduced us, and we found common interests in both being from Taupō. I played it far too cool - to the point where she thought I wasn’t interested - but I was absolutely smitten.
I remember her long black hair, her curious eyes, and thinking, ‘Damn, she’s pretty… stay cool, bro’.
Not long after, her show The Beautiful Ones (I know, go figure), came to see ours.
I’d heard she was in the audience, so as soon as the curtain fell, in a hot mess, I ran to the bar, hoping she hadn’t left. Luckily, she hadn’t. We ended up at dinner with friends, exchanged numbers, stayed in touch, and eventually went on a real date. Life changed forever that moment.
I proposed during the Modern Māori Quartet’s first national album release tour- right at the final show in Auckland, with both our families there.
I added Cruise, a song we often sang together, into the set and asked her to marry me mid‑performance. Thank goodness she said “yes”.
Becoming parents to our beautiful boy has been the greatest blessing and our biggest challenge.
Our work lives are hectic. We’re contractors, so our schedules are constantly shifting with filming, rehearsals and touring. The hardest thing is being apart for too long. We do everything we can to travel together as a whānau, but when that doesn’t work, we have to pivot fast and find another plan.
We’ve learned each other’s love languages, how to listen properly, how to drop whatever we’re doing and be present. We’re also incredibly fortunate to have whānau who always step in when we need them. Their support keeps us grounded and grateful.
Day‑to‑day life now is full in the best way. Our son brings mess, play, wonder and inspiration. Everything revolves around making sure he’s cared for.
We find little pockets of time for each other: a morning coffee, a quick walk before work and reading together once he’s asleep. I wouldn’t change any of it.
I am constantly in awe of Awhi, her strength and resilience. Wāhine are powerful beyond measure.
Our relationship is something I’m proud of. I’m excited for the adventures ahead: watching our boy grow, continuing to grow ourselves and seeing where life and our careers take us next.
I don’t worry about the future and that’s intentional because it takes you away from the present moment. My son constantly reminds me of that. Everything to him is new and exciting and I find that so calming and inspiring in a world that is desperately trying to get and keep your attention and take you away from those precious moments.
I am a big believer in prayer and believe that everything happens for a reason, even if you don’t understand the full picture.
We both work in the arts and our lives have always been built around contracts, seasons, rehearsals and travel.
But our greatest adventure has been becoming parents to our beautiful boy, Kupa Kauri, who’s now 1. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about us and our kaupapa, it was about Kupa and making sure he remained our priority while we continued doing what we love.
The juggle is real. Whose contract runs when? Who is away? Who is home fulltime with our son? And how do we make sure the work fits around our whānau, not the other way around?
We’re incredibly lucky with the support we have from our amazing whānau, but it’s still a moving puzzle we’re constantly piecing together.
What gets us through is communication, kindness, and knowing what matters. We make space for each other to fill our cups, whatever that looks like at the time. And every night, no matter how chaotic the day’s been, we sit down with a cup of tea and reconnect.
Daily life is beautifully ordinary. Mornings with our son, one of us off to work while the other treasures that one‑on‑one time with Kupa, then in the evenings it’s whānau dinner and bedtime together.
Chores happen the same way - whoever can, does. It’s never been something we’ve divided or discussed. We’re a team, always have been.
From our initial conversations, it was already clear we weren’t interested in anything casual. We pursued each other with certainty, and we very quickly knew we were in it for life.
We eventually married in Rarotonga, surrounded by those we love, and it was exactly what we wanted - intimate, warm and ours.
James is the most incredible pāpā, partner, friend and human. He has the biggest heart and deeply cares about the world, which is one of the many reasons I think the world of him.
Right now I’m working on the musical & Juliet, and James is on a film, so we’re excited for whatever this next season brings - hopefully more work we love, more whānau memories and maybe even a trip overseas with our boy.