Ever wondered why you and your best friend have so many 'jinx' moments? Photo / Getty Images
Ever wondered why you and your best friend have so many 'jinx' moments? Photo / Getty Images
There comes a time in every friendship when you realise you’re not simply “friends” but best friends. Usually, it comes off the back of a completely unhinged comment that magically comes out of you and your friend’s mouth at the exact same time.
It’s a surprise that you said it and even more of a surprise that they said it, let alone at the same time, so after a moment of exciting silence, you both turn, look at each other and say “jinx”.
This exact thing happened to me last week. I was on the phone with my long-distance bestie, gossiping about the world, when all of a sudden we both came out with the most unpredictable one-liner possible.
What ensued next was a chaotic 30 seconds of “oh my god, are we the same person?” followed by a number of giggles that any middle-aged man would find incredibly annoying. And once we re-emerged from the depths of our teenage selves, the inspiration for this article arose.
Sometimes it feels like you and your bestie are the exact same person. You like the same things, have the same opinions and, more often than not, find yourself saying the same thing at the same time. It’s a skill that no amount of practice can perfect and may result in you wondering, why does it happen?
While some theories may lead you to believe your friend is a literal mirror of you, put there as a lesson from the universe, there is a legitimate reason for those jinx moments that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
It’s a concept called homophily and essentially means similarity brings connection. So whether it’s your friends, colleagues or love interest, more often than not, the person has ended up in your life because you share similarities.
Things get taken that one step further when it comes to romantic interests. If you’ve ever been told your partner looks kind of like your mum or dad, sister or brother, or even yourself, it’s likely because you unconsciously sought out someone who is similar to yourself - also known as your dopplebanger.
Homophily may be the reason look-alike partners such as Johnny McDaid and Courteney Cox were drawn to each other. Photo / Getty images
As for how this correlates to friendships, Nicholas Christakis, a sociologist and physician at Yale University, spoke to Vice magazine, revealing: “We resemble our friends on many traits: height, athleticism, religion, politics, ethnicity, educational attainment, it goes on and on.”
The theory of homophily has sparked so much interest - particularly from scientists and researchers - that it resulted in a study of 279 people at Dartmouth University in 2018.
The study’s main objective was to find out if we are not only similar to our friends but if we perceive, respond and interpret the world in a similar way to them as well. And the results are as equally cool as they are frightening.
Led by Carolyn Parkinson, the study asked each student who their friends were within the group of 279 people and then showed them a series of videos ranging from political to musical (and even a few cute animal clips).
Through MRI technology, the researchers were able to see how each person responded to the videos, whether they found them funny, exciting, boring or triggering - and found that those who were close friends within the group had significantly similar responses compared to those who weren’t friends or were further removed.
“People who responded more similarly to the videos shown in the experiment were more likely to be closer to one another in their shared social network, and these effects were significant even when controlling for inter-subject similarities in demographic variables, such as age, gender, nationality, and ethnicity,” the authors wrote.
It resulted in the question of whether people actively seek out friendships with people similar to them, or whether they become more like the people they are closest to over time. It’s a theory that has previously been studied by Christakis.
Christakis found there may be another reason why we end up friends with the people we do: genes.
In a 2014 study, he claimed we may be choosing friends who are genetically similar to us. While they are not your direct relatives, his research found they are likely to be as genetically similar to you as if they were your third or fourth cousins.
“That to me is very interesting,” he says. “And it suggests that natural selection has played a role in the processes by which we form our friendships.”
Parkinson developed the concept and said that while there may be underlying genetic motivations at play when it comes to picking friends, maybe we pick people similar to us because it just feels good.
“Being around people who are similar to yourself can reinforce your own values, opinions, and interests,” she says. “That can be inherently rewarding.”
So, next time you and your best friend or partner have one of those jinx moments, you can tell them, it’s not a wild card, nor a coincidence but rather homophily.
