Cost-of-living crisis: 21 ways even the rich are feeling it – Kim Knight

Small drink, small(er) price: the Tiny Tinis at Auckland restaurant First Mates, Last Laugh. Photo / Kayle Lawson

OPINION/HUMOUR

Nobody is immune to the rising price of everything. Lifestyle journalist Kim Knight takes a humorous look at a completely humourless situation.

Overheard at the hairdressers: “Oh, it’s just a little dinner party. We’ve hired someone to make cocktails and [insert food influencer du jour] is coming in to do the food. Six courses. Who can afford to go out anymore?!”

Who indeed?

Recently, a colleague sent me a photograph of a Ponsonby Rd crudité platter. It appeared to consist of three radishes, four rounds of carrot, one-quarter of a stick of sliced celery and six leaves of radicchio. It came with a tablespoon of macadamia dip and a $26 price tag.

She was outraged. “Serve it on a smaller plate at least?”

Smart thinking. This is the kind of cost-of-living crisis hack rich people appreciate. Because absolutely nobody is immune to the rising price of everything. And for every one of us worrying about how to make next week’s rent, someone else is surely thinking...

1/ Hairdressers used to offer me a Vogue magazine – now I’m reading about the royals on 70gsm gloss.

2/ “Tiny Tinis.” A quarter of the drink for half the price but make it sound cute.

3/ Growing your own lettuce is finally cost effective.

4/ Catholicism. Because Baradene is way cheaper than Dio.

5/ The return of Pizza Hut’s all-you-can-eat buffet? Sounds like a viable lunch option to me.

6/ Hamilton: The other riveria.

Hamilton. The Waikato River runs through it.

7/ Your kid cannot have my supermarket collectables. I’ve listed them on Trade Me.

8/ I’m going Shellac-free for my nail health.

9/ ThreeNow and Chill?

10/ The Spotify ads aren’t that bad.

11/ Going forward, “your presence is our present” will definitely be interpreted literally.

12/ I’m not growing out of my expensive bright blonde highlights. I’m embracing balayage.

13/ Mince, sausages and packs of pre-sliced stir fry. Who can remember the last time they consumed single-origin meat?

14/ Walking. Like Les Mills but $30 cheaper.

15/ Sleeping. Like guided meditation but $15 cheaper.

16/ “Instant coffee is a vibe.” A quarter of the drink for half the price but make it sound cute.

17/ Roadside bouquets. Stealing is bad, foraging is chic. (Onion flowers are dinner).

We read Yotam Ottolenghi's new book and only found one reference to fresh pomegranate seeds ($6.99 per 100g). Photo / Jonathan Lovekin

18/ Even Yotam Ottolenghi has given up on fresh pomegranate seeds. (Ottolenghi Comfort, Ebury Press, $70 or free at the library, pending 183 hold requests).

19/ “Dry Clean Only”. Prove it.

20/ Schwarzkopf brilliance hair colour 46 coffee brown one pack, please.

21/ When did cheese get so cheap?

Kim Knight is a senior lifestyle journalist who has recently started to bring her own lunch to work.