Racing tips from the Queen. Finger sandwiches promptly served on a silver salver every time you ring a bell. Diamond brooches for days. The perks of being a member of the royal family are enough to make a sensible girl start loitering outside Kensington Palace hoping to meet a minor, stray Duke.
However, like everything in life, there is a downside, and today is a stark reminder that all those scones with clotted Duchy organic cream and 19th century sapphire bracelets of questionable provenance come at a high price.
On Monday morning, UK-time, Air Force One will touch down in Old Blighty, depositing President Donald Trump, wife Melania and his four adult children in London. This is the much longed for official State Visit that the President has craved since he moved his Diet Coke fridge (I'm guessing) into the Oval Office in 2017. On the first day's agenda: A tete-a-tete with the Queen followed by a private lunch with Prince Harry.
For Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, today must be nearly excruciating. She will be forced to watch her husband get out his spiffiest tie and least crumpled grey suit so he can head off to Buckingham Palace to make nice with a man who just publicly labelled her "nasty" and then promptly denied he said it.
(Also, whose sons love nothing more than popping off to Africa to slaughter big game animals, the same magnificent beasts Harry has worked to protect for years.)
READ MORE: Fact check: Did Trump call Meghan 'nasty'?
While Harry works his way through his salmon-en-croute, his wife will be in Windsor on maternity leave, with nothing more to keep her company than the chance to reflect on the inherent contradiction and tension that comes with being royal.
That is, while you have a global platform, of such vast reach and cut through it must make even Oprah a wee bit jealous, she cannot utter a single, solitary word of criticism in public.
President Trump is a man whose views and beliefs are diametrically opposed to Meghan's own. He has sprouted misogynistic comments about women for years. He does not believe in climate change. He thinks trans people should not be allowed to serve in the military.
Yet Meghan cannot respond or criticise him or his views publicly. Niente. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
That's because along with playing Monopoly and reminding people that their forebears were pretty much all German, the royal family are strictly verboten from saying or doing anything that is political. They don't weigh in on elections, espouse any points of view on policy and they absolutely do not vote.
When the Queen earlier this year made the most oblique reference to Brexit, it sent the British press into paroxysms of angsty analysis for days. (Her quote in full: "As we look for new answers in the modern age, I for one prefer the tried and tested recipes, like speaking well of each other and respecting different points of view; coming together to seek out the common ground; and never losing sight of the bigger picture."
So, she was either calling for less rancour in national political discourse or giving us all a timely reminder that we should stick to using our tried-and-true scone recipes. Who knows?)
For Meghan, a woman who has been driven to speak up about injustice since she was 11-years-old, forgoing her ability to voice her opinion (or to even venture polite disagreement) is a very high democratic price to pay for love (and the occasional chance to wear several million dollars worth of diamonds).
To make matters even more challenging for her, President Trump has politicised his relationship with Meghan without her saying a word, and yet, she has no recourse to personally call him out or to engage with him.
Trump's deployment of his favourite denunciation, "nasty," has elevated Meghan to official foe status, a questionable 'honour' he has so far conferred on high-profile women he clearly feels deeply threatened by such as Hillary Clinton, Senator and Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris and Puerto Rican leader Carmen Yulín Cruz.
So, today, like every other day, Meghan has to keep entirely schtum about President Trump, sitting on her tweeting hand so she is not even remotely tempted to let forth any feelings she has towards the putative leader of the free world.
Instead she and Archie will be at home in Frogmore Cottage, enjoying, say, a Mummy-and-me crystal sound bath or whipping up another batch of organic kale puree for the freezer. However, if I was one of the heavily-armed personal protection officers who patrol the Windsor estate, I would not be surprised if at some point today the UK's newest Duchess pops outside and has a good, old-fashioned cathartic yell into the wind. Sadly, that's the only option she has right now.