It's the beginning of another year. Another lengthy school holiday. But this time for (supposed) relaxation and reflection has left me with some questions … questions I don't know if I will ever have the
Website of the Year
It's the beginning of another year. Another lengthy school holiday. But this time for (supposed) relaxation and reflection has left me with some questions … questions I don't know if I will ever have the answers to, but questions that need to be asked all the same.
A true sign of old age and responsibility, surely? We went away for five nights with our three kids (7, 4 and 1). It took just five minutes in bed on the first night away for me to be counting down until I would be back home in our bed. Going away with kids really just adds an extra dimension of stress. At least at home they've already damaged all your stuff and you can yell at them freely without worrying you're being judged for it - or for not yelling at them enough.
I have washed approximately four million cups since December 20. I ask them to choose a cup and use it for the day, yet every day around 12pm there's eight cups needing a wash along with the drink bottles they have been using too. I feel like I'm running a café. You can use them more than once, you know!
I'm pretty sure they don't.
No. They were pushing it with the original box by including the Cherry Ripe. No one knows how that one made the cut. No one had even heard of Cherry Ripes before they made it into the box of Favourites. Clearly, there just weren't enough good ones and they had to bulk it out.
Now there's a "Party Edition" complete with pineapple and strawberry abominations. I don't know how to make the puking emoji come up in this column, but it should be right here.
I started drafting an email to Mondelez International, the company that owns Cadbury, to ask why. But then I thought, who even cares why? It will go through a PR company and they will take five days to answer and then come back with a boring answer full of lies about how the Cherry Ripe is one of their most popular items and how ruining chocolate with pineapple and strawberry is great and that many customers love these ones. No they don't! I still ate the Twirls though.
• Beck Vass: What happened when my 7-year-old drew genitals at school
• Beck Vass: My kids are turning into deviants
• Beck Vass: My children think empathy is for losers
• Premium - Beck Vass: My life with a humongous baby
I just spent an hour hunched over on the floor trying to build a little castle from a picture on the box. My knees and back and hips are killing me. The kids are still building. I'm going to be stiff for half an hour* and I didn't even complete the castle. I'm hoping they don't notice I am gone because I'm scared they will ask me to finish it.
This is the corporate equivalent of a couple's fight: when one party has to have the last word. Every year in December, the marketing from companies becomes a bit much. I unsubscribe to everything because it gets overwhelming.
I always feel particularly irritated when I suddenly get yet another email from the very place I just tried to cut off. Ugh! Yes I did mean to unsubscribe from you, you jerk! Then, later in January when my inbox is empty and I feel like I have no mates, I have break up regret and start thinking about crawling back.
Happy New Year.
*It's now a day later and I'm still stiff.