An uncommon approach to culinary culture

By MICHELE HEWITSON


What a tasty little amuse-gueule Posh Nosh (TV One, 10.15pm) is proving to be.

If you don't know what an amuse-gueule is, you're just not serious about food.

You can buy the Posh Nosh cookbook in paperback, if you're not serious, says Minty Marchmont, one half of the husband and wife team who offer appetisers - or, for the serious, amuse-gueules - of culinary culture.

We've had Nigella flicking her hair into the food and Jamie flicking his tongue and saying "pukka".

How common. Posh Nosh is not common; it is "extraordinary food for ordinary people."

Ordinary people, that is, who ought to know better. Ordinary people, when planning children's parties, pop out and buy jam tarts and chocolate fingers and a shop-made cake.

"And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that," says Minty, "if you don't really love your children."

Make them what they really want, advise the Posh Noshers.

"You can just hear them saying," says hubby Simon, a minor aristocrat: "Mummy, can I have another Roquefort prosciutto fennel bruschetta?"

It is never too early to start training your child's palate. Simon: "By the age of 6, all kids should be able to shave their own fennel."

Which brings to mind a particularly adorable episode of Nigella. The one where the dear little kiddies sat around shaving their own parmesan. You could tell that she really loved her children.

Don't serve those ghastly common bright red cheerios at your child's party especially if you want your children to have the proper sort of little pals.

You could try all of this at home even if you don't live in a house built in 1685, don't have an Aga and can't quite manage to "embarrass" your veges with an 18th-century spoon. You could try ...

But surely you could source organic venison chipolatas.

Useful tip: If you can't afford almost 17 quid for a kilo of venison chipolatas "you shouldn't really be starting a family".

Another useful tip: If you want to give your builder a treat, make him "architect's fish and chips" for lunch. That'll be nice with a little riesling, especially for a man who probably drinks tea with five sugars in a mug with a picture of a pair of hooters on it.

Simon and Minty did this for Barry. Barry was upstairs banging in the bedroom while they created in the kitchen. "That'd be a first," said Simon.

Simon, you see, is a little bit gay. He regards a plate of battered fish with disgust. "Imagine Brad Pitt covered in this hideous crispy orange gunk. What a desecration."

He regards Barry with horror when Barry turns out to be a foodie - the point is that everybody has been corrupted with horrible food snobbery these days.

You can't really buy the cookbook - but you could easily buy something as perfectly ghastly.

Posh Nosh is a delicious send-up of all of those cooking shows designed to make you feel inadequate.

As refreshing as a sorbet made from free-range, organic pink grapefruit embarrassed until it blushes with a kiss of a 3000-year-old Balsamic vinegar, it is the perfect cure for indigestion brought on by food snobs everywhere.