Rob Campbell is a professional director and investor. He is chancellor at AUT, chair of Ara Ake, chair of NZ Rural Land and former chair of Te Whatu Ora Health NZ. Here he pens a satirical letter from Health Minister Shane Reti to the Prime Minister.
Oh dear! It seems the real health sector problem was not those pesky Māori after all. Aroha mai. Getting rid of Te Aka Whai Ora should have eliminated all the waste going on in Health NZ but it turns out they were only a small bit of the cost and a big part of the solution. My bad. It’s the last time I am taking the arithmetic from my Act and NZ First cousins at face value.
Chris Penk.
Not only that but the public health officials now keep telling me that loosening up on the ciggies might cost us money down the road. Who knew that and did not tell me? Same with vaping, Chris Bishop told me it was good for you so I took it up. Have you tried the raspberry flavour yet? My kids love it.
I’m hopeful that Chris Penk is right that getting that insulation stuff out of new builds is going to improve air circulation and help respiratory conditions. Apparently cold and damp air is good for you.
Simeon Brown. Photo / Alex Burton
It’s great that Simeon is getting those cones off the road. I have always thought that they were dangerous and causing accidents. Same with the speed restrictions. He tells me that people should be able to get to ED faster, even if there might be a few more of them.
Health is a holistic thing as you know. If we work together we can get much better health. Nicola reckons that if people are richer they have better health or at least can afford better care and are not a burden on the state. So the real answer to health is more money in their pockets. I certainly feel that way about these new ministerial salaries with the tax cuts. I do hear people complaining but I also reckon that most landlords have better health than tenants so we must be doing the right thing. It’s great working with a skilled team.
I have had a briefing from the Ministry of Health. It has explained how it had no role in making health plans or expenditure or infrastructure before the reds got into the parliamentary bed. Winston assures me that is true and that he was locked in a soundproof cupboard when Cabinet was making health decisions while he was there. (By the way, have you thought of that for him and David now?).
Lester Levy. Photo / Supplied
The ministry is pretty clear that it had no involvement either in the health reforms. I haven’t got around to reading the Act yet but apparently the limo driver today was telling me the Health NZ board has all the power to demand funding and spend it on what it likes. No wonder it’s a mess. It says it does not get any reports on what is happening and is not even sure where the head office is.
Evidently, it is losing money faster than a cancelled ferry deal. You know I’m not much good with figures but I seem to make okay money from my health investments and so do some of my surgeon mates from their work and health property investments. So do the insurers and medicine vendors so it’s hard to understand why these people can’t do so.
Rob Campbell. Photo / Michael Craig
So I reckon it’s time to put out foot down. I have a mate who reckons he could knock $1.5 billion off the costs within a year. The ministry assures me that there is no reason to think that demand for health services will increase and if people are not insured then it’s pretty much a choice they have made themselves.
We would save money on the board which has only been getting in the way anyway.
This is really my best shot at winning the Cabinet chook raffle for best idea of the month for cutting costs, staff, services and our own throats so I hope you will support me in this.
