If it takes a village to raise a child, then it must also take a village to heal an inner child.
Founders of global anti-domestic violence movement She Is Not Your Rehab have released a free menta-health tool called innerBoy.
Thehusband and wife duo - Taimalelagi Mataio Faafetai (Matt) and Sarah Brown - are furthering their mission to tackle domestic violence by supporting those who perpetrate violence, to heal.
The free men’s mental health app is a website-based programme, developed over two years. Users can now sign up to connect with Matt Brown through a guided 30-day programme for 30 minutes a day. He said the app does not replace therapy.
“I’m a big advocate for therapy ... but it is a useful tool to go alongside men’s healing journey.”
In the mental health and wellbeing space, therapists often refer to “inner child” as the younger self - a concept where people are taught to re-parent themselves.
In this case, “innerBoy” is the “subconscious version of us. We can’t see him, but he holds all our old experiences, specifically the traumatic experiences that made a big impact on your life”, Brown said.
“It is a digital sanctuary for men, providing a safe space where they can reclaim their identities, and break free from the chains of intergenerational trauma.”
The innerBoy app was birthed from a cry for help from a 12-year-old boy. He contacted Brown to get help for his father who struggled with anger and violence. Brown searched online for anger management programmes so he could re-direct men, but was stumped to find a solution.
“Everything online was inaccessible ... the courses online were costly, white-washed or outdated. It was a huge gap in our mental health system. "
More than 36,000 men signed up to use innerBoy within the first hour of it launching.
More than 36,000 men signed up to use innerBoy within the first hour of it launching. Photo / SUpplied
Power in changing your narrative
Inner child work has played a big part in Brown’s own healing.
The New Zealand-born Samoan is a survivor of family and childhood sexual abuse. His first memory of Christmas is his father picking up a Christmas tree and beating his mother with it. By the time he was 10, he and his siblings had lived in every women’s refuge home in Ōtautahi / Christchurch.
He spent over a decade sharing his story with men who frequented his Christchurch-based shop My Fathers Barbers.
There is power in changing your narrative, he said, and men deserve to have access to free and accessible tools to do their own self-therapy in their own time without the “psycho-babble”.
Aotearoa has some of the worst statistics relating to domestic violence against women and children at the hands of men.
There were 175,573 family harm investigations recorded by NZ Police in the year ending June 2022. Domestic violence abuses were likely to be much higher according to anti-domestic violence non-government organisations due to many incidents going unreported.
Many organisations are jumping on board to use innerBoy, including New Zealand Police.
A police spokesperson confirmed that Christchurch Police have agreed to pay for innerBoy business cards, which will be available to frontline staff to hand out as and when needed. It is yet to be adopted nationwide.
Brown planned to do monthly webinars teaching organisations about the app.
“I 100 per cent believe it takes a village to raise a child and everyone needs to be onboard. Everyone is in their waka rowing their ship but if we are all rowing in the same direction, that can create healing for our communities.”
There are countless testimonials from users of the app.
One anonymous reviewer wrote: “Your work saved my husband’s life and our marriage. Since he came across your work he has since been a different man.”
Another wrote: “Thank you for teaching me I am worthy and I have something to offer, my past and what happened to me is not who I am.”
Benefits of free donations
The Browns have since donated more than 9300 copies of their best-selling book She Is Not Your Rehabto every man inside a New Zealand prison, which inadvertently led to a prison book club.
In 2022, both Sarah and Matt Brown became members of the New Zealand Order of Merit and were also recipients of a Commonwealth Points of Light award by the late Queen Elizabeth II.
innerBoy is now another resource and invitation for men to acknowledge their own childhood trauma and take responsibility for their healing.
“I just want anyone and everyone to use it. I encourage our fathers, brothers, sons to jump on and use it,” he said.
Although the web-based app is only accessible within New Zealand, the aim is to get it out to as many indigenous populations.
A global rollout is set to come with an aim to reach aboriginal groups in Australia and other Pacific nations without the need for internet/Wi-Fi connection.
