Mike McNamara's death huge loss to Horowhenua-Kapiti rugby community

Mike McNamara's biggest love was his family - wife Kay, daughters Brittany and Bailey, son Dale, son-in-law Daniel and adored granddaughter Adalyn. Photo / Supplied

From repping the Wellington region in swimming, to controlling over 200 Horowhenua-Kāpiti senior rugby games, Mike McNamara's life had been focused on keeping fit and healthy.

This is why his sudden passing earlier in March, aged 60 years young, came as such a shock to his family and the rugby community.

Mike was working out at a Kāpiti gym when he suddenly collapsed and, despite the attempts of gym staff and local emergency services, was unable to be revived.

"Going to the gym was something he did almost daily," said Mike's wife Kay, "and there'd been no signs that there was anything wrong with him before this happened."

Mike grew up on the Kāpiti Coast and, surprisingly, rugby didn't really play a big part in those early years.

Mike McNamara started his sporting life in swimming - gaining a third place in a national backstroke event, which was won by Commonwealth medalist Gary Hurring. Photo / Supplied

In fact, swimming was his passion, and he competed nationally in his youth with such Commonwealth athletes as Rebecca Perrott and Gary Hurring, specialising in backstroke.

Kay met Mike through her after school job at the Porirua Licensing Trust, and they were married in 1982 at the ages of 19 and 20 respectively.

"He was my first and only love … it would've been our 40th anniversary this year," said Kay.

The McNamaras moved to the Kāpiti Coast when they started their family, so their children could build the same memories Mike had of his childhood.

When their oldest, Brittany, was 11, the family moved to Whanganui with Mike's work where, according to Kay, they had some of the best years of their lives.

Mike McNamara notched up his 200th game as a senior referee for HKRFU in June last year. Photo / Supplied

Kay and Mike were all about creating memories for their children - Brittany, Bailey and Dale - when they were younger so, when time allowed, family trips away were a regular occurrence.

Having close relationships with extended family on both sides was important as well, with Mike enjoying going hunting with his in-laws.

Mike's foray into sports leadership had begun as a swim coach at the Tawa Swimming Club, then on to the Whanganui Swimming Club when his children began there.

While living in Whanganui, Mike also made his first ventures into rugby refereeing and often told Kay the rugby union there gave him the best training for his role – very strict and thorough.

The McNamaras had very active lives in Whanganui, with rugby, swimming, netball and dancing taking up a lot of the children's spare time.

According to Kay, it was a bit of a whirlwind - Mike and she didn't always see a lot of each other while running around with all the different activities.

Kay shared a funny story from the Whanganui days, when Brittany dabbled in rugby refereeing, even getting her photo in the local paper.

"It was quite short-lived," laughed Kay, "and Brittany wore comms [while on the field] just so her father could tell her what to do."

After five years the McNamaras headed back to the Kāpiti Coast, where Mike was welcomed into the Raumati Swimming Club as a swim coach.

The Horowhenua-Kāpiti Rugby Football Union were also pleased to have Mike join their ranks as a referee, and so began his 18-year career with them.

Mike stepped away from swim coaching in 2012, after son Dale had stopped swimming competitively, and began helping to train up and coming HKRFU referees.

"He loved doing that," said Kay. "He would've loved nothing more than to step back and watch some of the people he'd trained [in action]."

Dale said his dad always called other referees after their games to see how they went - "like if they'd done their first senior game, he'd call them and ask them 'hey, how did you go'?"

Mike refereed a number of games that Dale played in over the years, but never showed any favouritism to his son - "he always penalised me if I deserved it."

Many fellow members of the HKRFU community posted memories of Mike online, praising his professionalism and commenting on how respected he was:

"He was what the best referees aspire to - superb fitness, a good grasp of the law and how to best apply it, and an empathy with the players." "... eager to support new referees, big supporter of women referees, … to me was the only referee who consistently treated each team with respect week in week out and never pre-judged..." "[he] was a much-loved member of our Horowhenua Kapiti Rugby Referees Association, always having a smile on his face and always quick to put his hand up to referee."

When Mike was interviewed by the Horowhenua Chronicle in June last year, just prior to refereeing his 201st senior game, he shared some memories about his career, including having to send a player off in his first-ever senior match as a referee - "he punched an opposition player right in front of me."

Mike was very proud of all his sporting achievements and kept photos, awards and media mentions, and encouraged his children to do the same with their own.

"He was [also] very sociable," said Kay. "We had regular Friday night catch-ups with our neighbours [and] we had a big 60th celebration for his birthday last year, which he loved."

Kay is now trying to move on with her 'new normal', with support from her three children and granddaughter Adalyn, as well as her work colleagues, friends and neighbours.

Michael John McNamara (Mike) April 7, 1961- March 10, 2022