New Zealand TV-obsessed website The Spinoff curates Weekend Watch, their selection of the best places to rest your weary eyes on your days off, selected by Spinoff editor Duncan Greive (DG) or staff writer Alex Casey (AC). Enjoy!
Dance Moms on Lightbox
With Dancing with the Stars in full bedazzled swing, why not spend a weekend with the sashaying reality horror show Dance Moms. The series follows a group of aspiring young performers as they are left broken and bleeding by the world of competitive dance, all the while under the tutelage of famed worst person in the world Abbey Lee Miller. Her stream of constant emotional abuse and overwhelming pressure is a rude awakening compared to Candy, Hayley and Stefano. It's like Simon Barnett gets a standing ovation every time he points his toe.
On top of that, the mothers of the dance students are also a huge focus of the show, creating a tense competitive subplot judged in stink eyes rather than pirouettes. You'll recognise Maddie Ziegler amongst all of the sequins and tears - the young blonde-wigged alien looking lass from Sia's music videos. If you want to see more impressive dancing than Jay Jay Harvey doing the robot, and much more drama than backstage in Sharyn's velour lounge - I'd suggest shimmying over here for a harrowing dose of dance reality. / AC
Born into the world late on Monday evening, TV3's new late night current affairs show has already brought with it a shimmying Rose Matafeo, a sweaty Colin Craig and a seemingly confused Neil Finn. Fronted by Samantha Hayes and David Farrier, the show blends the important and the odd into a relaxed half hour format. Rather than churning out news from their 6 o'clock forefathers, their 'News in a Minute' section runs through any changes in the bulletin since Hilary spilled the news beans. There's also live guests and slightly longer features, including the aforementioned David Farrier and Colin Craig sauna, where the late night absurdity really shines.
"Hayes looks at the pair in a monitor, and realises too late a fashion error. "I promise guys - next time I'm not going to wear a top that's the same colour as the background," she says. 'Shit.' It makes her head seem like it's floating, disembodied, in the pretty blue scree of the backdrop." If those sort of fashion faux pas aren't enough to get you excited, how's this - we're going to be on it. That's right, your two trusty Spinoff pals will be gracing Newsworthy to give them an in-depth critique of their first week on air. Will it be a disaster? Probably, but you'll have to tune in to find out. / AC
Shortland Street Omnibus on TV2, 12.30pm Sunday
The Shortland Street winter season begins on Monday 15, which means now is the perfect time to rug up and enjoy multiple hours of New Zealand's longest running drama. And I'll tell you what, things are really ramping up in Ferndale. Dayna is struggling to accept that her new Dad Jimmy constantly wears an earring and a leather jacket at the same time. Pixie is rebelling against the treatment that could save her life. Bella is pregnant with Jimmy's child, but having second thoughts after she realised that her firstborn would emerge in aforementioned leather jacket. Buckle in, because we're about to get a whole extra half hour of this kind of drama every Monday night. If you are feeling a little out of touch with the plot, might I suggest watching the heroic work of Shorty Street Scandal's James Mustapic, who tirelessly devotes too much of time to celebrating the weird and wonderful happenings in Ferndale. In his latest video, he explains how TK thinks a 3D printer can time travel, Boyd gets bit and Murray gets wasted. It's all good stuff, and the perfect way to get you ready for the wintery weirdness to come. / AC
Angry Sky on ESPN, 9.30pm Sunday
A month or so ago news broke that ESPN would not be renewing its contract with Bill Simmons, the grouchy but exceedingly talented writer, analyst and editor. The New York Times broke the story, calling him "the country's most influential sportswriter". Which is both true - his style is widely and often irritatingly imitated online - and beside the point. The most important work he did for ESPN was not his writing, or hosting, but his creative vision. The Grantland site, which remains, though seems to be operating in shock, and the 30 for 30 documentary series, which he championed and exec produced. Angry Sky looks like a perfect example of the kind of dramatic, hitherto buried narrative which the series has lit up so triumphantly. It tells the story of Nick Piantanida, a '60s truck driver who decided to try and break the record for highest skydive. The series will continue without Simmons, but it's hard to imagine stories this interesting and obscure will keep getting told without him. / DG
Hitler's Jurassic Monsters, National Geographic, 6.30pm Saturday
The problem with data is that sometimes it reveals secrets about humanity that we'd rather not know. Somewhere between 4 per cent and 30 per cent of internet traffic is porn-related. Yucko. Mike Hosking is the most popular New Zealander on television. Double yucko. We remain almost fetishistically obsessed with the Nazis' weird kinks. Ugh. But we do, and so the Discovery Channel continues to schedule endless docs on the failed warmongers grossest excesses. So, right after Nazi Megastructures on your family's Saturday evening, comes Hitler's Jurassic Monsters. "As part of their crazed dream to create a thousand-year Reich [the Nazis] developed detailed blueprints for Aryan settlements and vast hunting parks for 'Aryan' animals." It all seems vaguely ridiculous, and from what I've read may be more than a little embroidered. But if your thing is watching slow zooms on grainy photographs of bad humans, accompanied by sombre voiceovers, then get amongst it. / DG
