Lady Gaga appears in a scene from The Me You Can't See. Photo / AP
Lady Gaga appears in a scene from The Me You Can't See. Photo / AP
Lady Gaga got pregnant after being raped.
The 35-year-old singer has recalled how she was sexually assaulted by a music producer when she was just 19 years old and "froze" through the moment, but she'll never name her attacker because she doesn't want to face him again.
Speaking in thefirst episode of Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry's new Apple TV+ series, The Me You Can't See, she said: "I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, 'Take your clothes off.'
"And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music. And they didn't stop. They didn't stop asking me, and I just froze and I — I don't even remember.
"And I will not say his name. I understand this Me Too movement, and I understand people feel real comfortable with this, and I do not. I do not ever want to face that person again."
The "Poker Face" hitmaker then revealed she got pregnant following the attack when she explained how, years later, a doctor advised her to see a psychiatrist for her chronic pain, leading to her diagnosis of PTSD.
She said: "First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb.
"I realised it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents' house, because I was vomiting and sick. Because I was being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months."
Lady Gaga appears in a scene from The Me You Can't See. Photo / AP
Lady Gaga admitted she then experienced a "total psychotic break", which the show suggested occurred around 2018.
She added: "For a couple years, I was not the same girl."
And the "Star is Born" actress still feels urges to self harm.
She said: "Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I'm ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it.
"What's so interesting is the line I walk, feeling like I wanna cut myself and feeling like I don't, are actually real close together.
"Everybody thinks it's gotta be a straight line, that it's like every other virus, that you get sick and then you get cured. It's not like that. It's just not like that. And actually, I think that traps people ...
"You know why it's not good to cut? You know why it's not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it's not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you're going to feel better because you're showing somebody, 'Look, I'm in pain.' It doesn't help."
But Lady Gaga insisted she isn't looking for pity and just wants to tell her story to help others.
She said: "I don't tell this story for my own self-service, because, to be honest, it's hard to tell. I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I've got money, I've got power, and I'm miserable? How do you do that?
"I'm not here to tell my story to you because I want anybody to cry for me. I'm good. But open your heart up for somebody else. Because I'm telling you, I've been through it and people need help. So, that's part of my healing, being able to talk to you."
• If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111. • If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone call the confidential crisis helpline Safe to Talk on: 0800 044 334 or text 4334. (available 24/7) • Male Survivors Aotearoa offers a range of confidential support at centres across New Zealand - find your closest one here. • Mosaic - Tiaki Tangata: 0800 94 22 94 (available 11am - 8pm) • If you have been abused, remember it's not your fault.
