Tonight, five masked singers compete and one is revealed. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
Tonight, five masked singers compete and one is revealed. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
OPINION:
Welcome back to the Masked Singer, where according to host Clint Randell, "the costume designer dreams up ideas after eating too much cheese before bed". It all makes sense now!
Joining Sharyn Casey, James Roque and Anika Moa, tonight's guest panellist is Paul Ego of Pak'nSave fame - it'sStickman himself. I'm genuinely excited about this. Surely the Briscoes lady is next.
Ego tells us he's "bewildered and confused by this whole experience" and so are we. But that's the point of this show after all.
We've now met all the Masked Singers and two have already been sent home. Tonight, just five of them will perform and one will be unmasked.
Is Retro Robot former PM John Key? Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
Fridge drawing come to life Retro Robot is back. Could it be John Key? Roque recalls the former PM's rendition of Gangnam Style - but Casey counters it with a reminder of his attempt at covering Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas on The Edge in 2015. Our eardrums are yet to recover. And come on, Retro Robot didn't sound that bad.
"If that is John Key, I will do the next episode in Speedos," Randell threatens. "Just kidding. I'm not doing that again."
Two Scoop Ice Cream takes to the stage next with a harmony that's not half bad, and the panel racks their brains for well-known Kiwi couples who would willingly be yoked together in a giant fabric icecream suit. My claustrophobia could never.
Bedazzled Unicorn blows the audience away with her performance. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
Ego thinks it's Seven Sharp's Hilary Barry and Jeremy Wells, because he knows Hilary's right foot really well. What is with this show and feet?
Bedazzled Unicorn simply has to be a professional singer. So far we've only heard her rapping a Scribe song, so my jaw drops when she belts out I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. Anne Hathaway, eat your heart out. Anika Moa says it's the best voice she's ever heard.
For some reason everyone thinks it's Ruby Tui, while Roque creatively goes for the entire Black Ferns sevens team. I don't think that's allowed. But Ego might be on the money when he guesses Boh Runga.
Ruru Chick is next, and our judges appear to have birds on the brain - Moa guesses it's The Chicks singer Suzanne Lynch, while Roque thinks it's Ladyhawke.
"Who likes more pork? The Mad Butcher," declares Ego before guessing it's Sir Peter Leitch - "but he doesn't have legs like that."
Surrounded by dancers in Two Dollar Shop bullfighter costumes, Gladiator Alligator unexpectedly serenades us in Spanish.
Anika Moa doesn't know anyone who can sing in Spanish, but notes the language has similar vowel sounds to te reo Māori and guesses it's Labour MP Tāmati Coffey. Roque really, really wants it to be Ben Lummis. Someone on this season has to be Ben Lummis! Maybe next year.
"Are we not entertained? Yes, indeed, we are not yet entertained," Ego declares. Can we keep him on the panel, because this man gets me. But then he guesses it's the Oscar-winning Leonardo diCaprio. This would be a weird twist on The Revenant. But there isn't a chance, because this Masked Singer is from Tauranga.
Two Scoop Ice Cream is revealed to be Shelley and Steve Ferguson. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
After the audience vote, Alligator, Unicorn and Ruru Chick are safe. It's up to the panel whether Retro Robot or Two Scoop Ice Cream gets unmasked.
They choose to keep Robot in the competition, so it's time for Ice Cream to take off the plastic rain cape. And it's not Richie and Gemma, Art and Matilda, or Hilary and Jeremy.
It's husband and wife Steve and Shelley Ferguson. The Block NZ host and the Olympian look relieved - they're "well out of their comfort zone", as Shelley says.
Steve admits Shelley made him do it. Reminds me of how I felt when my boss informed me that I had to write these recaps.
"We're doing it for the kids, they are obsessed with this show," she adds.
I don't have kids, but I am doing this for you, New Zealand. And I'll be back next week, as five more masked singers take to the stage.
