We're five weeks into the first season of The Bachelorette NZ, and it's already been a rollercoaster of a ride.
Between all the dates, group challenges, rose ceremonies, eliminations and a SECOND BLOODY BACHELORETTE we'll forgive you if you've lost track on who's leading the race/races for Lesina and Lily's heart/hearts.
To help you out, here's The Hot List - a weekly top 10 of who we're tipping to get that final rose. It's based on what we like and what we think Lesina and Lily like and there's absolutely no rhyme, reason or science to it beyond that.
• The Bachelorette intruders: Five new bachelors jump in the mix
• The Bachelorette NZ episode 14: Pashes, ultimatums and revenge of the hernia
• The Bachelorette NZ episode 13: Marc goes home, Aaron's out of control and Steve's raging
• The Bachelorette NZ: The Hot List week 3 - the eligible bachelors, rated
We'll be doing the same thing until the lucky bloke(s) get(s) their gal(s).
Top spot this week goes to Quinnsistent, for remaining cool as a cucumber throughout all the kebab shop drama and even when he sliced his hand open in the Rage Room. Bonus points for also always maintaining otherworldly hair height even while bleeding out.
Close on Quinn's heels is Hot Mike, who spent the entirety of his first week on the show absolutely roasting Lesina.
He utterly grilled her about why she wanted to be the Bachelorette, and about how weird it is that she's single when she's a beautiful and successful doctor – and as we're a month in to the show and the tweens have never dared question Lesina on anything, this relentless grilling is obviously the hottest thing to happen thus far.
That's right folks, a proper grown man is challenging her on her BS and it's honestly so hot. I'm so into it, Lesina's so into it and she understandably can't stop throwing roses at him. I am now putting all my money on Mike to win the whole damn thing.
I'm torn about this one, but I'm putting drop-crotch Richie in third place because even though I'm concerned he might be a bit of a playa (he's currently attempting to woo both gals) he did utter the incredibly sexy line that almost made me black out:
"Lust is my favourite sin because it's about ripping someone's clothes off with your teeth."
You see my dilemma.
A well-deserved fourth place goes to Jesse for allowing Lily to tattoo her name on his wee ankle, and for also allowing her to blindfold him so that he'd feel more comfortable opening about his feelings for her and being #vulnerable.
Close behind Jesse is Terence who made it into the top five for the fantastically niche insult when he said Jesse's apology was "as hollow as his skull." Amazing.
Jokester Elliot has made it into sixth place because while I thoroughly enjoyed his "Not telling" sharpie'd ass prank, I'm also quite certain he doesn't give a hoot about dating either Lily or Lesina as it's blatantly clear he only came on the show for a free lads trip to Argentina (and actually now that I think about it, hot play.)
Aaron has climbed a few spots back up the rankings for finally calming the f down and for stopping bitching about the other boys in his Big Brother-esque diary cams. Keep it up mate.
I'm pretty sure Steve has had zero minutes of screen time this week so let's just put him down here in eighth place because we can only assume he's hiding out behind the Argentinian backpackers bike sheds, chain-smoking durries.
As much as I think George is a sweetie, It's been about six months and he doesn't appeared to have formed any semblance of a romantic relationship with either of the gals so I reckon his days are numbered. Watch this space.
Ditto with Michael aye, and while he seems perfectly lovely, he doesn't appear to actually speak so unfortunately does not add much value to this TV show. Go home to your kumara crops babe, we all love kumara and you're doing god's work.
Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Sunday night at 7pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.