Radio and TV personality Toni Street has opened up about some of the worst days of her life as she reflects on what she has learned in recent years about grief and perseverance.
The Coast breakfast host is the latest guest on the New Zealand Herald podcast, Straight Up, hosted by Niva Retimanu and Beatrice Faumuina.
The series sees the pair talk with high profile New Zealanders – and while Street is known for her bubbly on-air presence, the "cathartic" conversation explores the darker side of the beloved star.
Growing up in Taranaki, on a dairy farm, with a coach for a dad and grandparents next door, Street's childhood was surrounded by sport and family.
"Swimming on Tuesday, athletics on a Wednesday night, surf club on weekend, rugby/netball on the Saturday. It was a wonderful upbringing".
However, while Street has plenty of fond memories of her childhood, it's impossible to ignore the dark shadow that hangs over her family.
Street has lost three siblings, the first her twin brother who died from leukaemia at 18 months old. A sister that followed died after only a few days after being born without kidneys.
Nearly a decade after that, Street lost her brother Stephen. She describes his death as "horrific", and remembers getting the phone call when she was away on a cricketing trip and expecting the worst.
She recounts how she thought one of her grandparents had died – but when her mum said Stephen had been in an accident, Street said she "started panicking" before being delivered the news.
"Your world just collapses. My first thought was 'how are Mum and Dad going to survive this?'"
She said it was "one of the worst moments" of her life flying back home and reuniting with her family at the airport.
"I remember thinking I need to get home but also didn't want to get off the plane because I didn't want to face it all. Going back to a family that had had this happen a third time. It was terrible".
Street talked about her parents' resilience and strength through the trauma saying, "they had to keep going" and hid their grief from their kids.
"You know your parents are carrying this massive weight from the very beginning. They never let on to us, but we knew they were carrying this massive, massive weight always, it never goes away. "
Since then, Street has gone on to have a remarkable career in broadcasting, including her start as a sports reporter and covering the Olympics.
In recent years, she has gone public after being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease known as Churgg-Strauss Syndrome after her second pregnancy, and how her best friend offered to be a surrogate for her third child.
Despite the setbacks so far Street reflected on the things that keep her calm and wanting to live a simple life.
"When you have grief like we have in our family you do cherish things more," she said.
"I love having drinks with friends. I love going to my kids' speeches. That is what keeps me going is those very simple things in life, because I know how quickly things can be taken away."
Street now wants to use her platform, on social media and in her recently released book Lost and Found to share those experiences, knowing the "coping on your own is so much harder".
"I'm a big believer in sharing those experiences. What people have to know, if you have a tragedy like that, there will always be things in life that you can enjoy. There will always be moments that you will make you happy," Street said.
"There are always things to look forward to if you're prepared to pick yourself up and carry on."