There must be a giant game of chess going on north of Auckland, writes Amanda Kennedy.
1. I wrote offensive graffiti about myself in the toilets at work just so HR had to start an investigation. The level of suspicion it has caused between my colleagues is so empowering that I might step up that hate campaign against myself.
2. Four months ago my boss was made redundant. Her boss works in another country. I was her only direct report. No one seems to realise I'm still in the role. I have no work to do and no one to report to.
3. I really want to rent somewhere for a month, just disappear and redirect all my emails to my husband so he can find out how much relentless family admin I do.
4. I won $500 at a company weight-loss challenge by concealing 10kg of fishing weights on my person at the first weigh-in.
5. I'm a huge nerd, I work in IT, in my spare time I go to conventions and dress up as Star Wars characters. But I've never seen an actual Star Wars film — I looked up the plots on Wikipedia and they all sound terrible.
6. I used to regularly dial into important meetings at a big four bank in a high pitched voice as "Hitler" so the system would say "Hitler ... has joined the conference". As soon as someone said "Sorry, who has joined?" I would leave, so it said "Hitler ... has left the conference".
7. I put up a passive-aggressive note at work about people stealing milk but I only did it so I can carry on and I'm not a suspect.
8. We had twins a year ago. When they were about 3 months old I gave them both a bath without making sure who was who. My daughter might now actually be her sister.
Mind the bump, not pupils.
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Not top of AT priorities ...
A reader writes: "Auckland Transport is including Carlton St in Hillsborough in a bus route, much to the opposition of local residents concerned for the primary students using the narrow street to and from school. It installed a speed bump sign directly in front of the school zone sign last week. So look out for the speed bump and don't worry about the school children."
Missing an earring?
A reader writes: "At Remuera New World on Saturday about 2pm, I gave a lady (with a huge plaster cast on one leg) a hand to lift her heavy shopping bag into her black VW Polo or Golf. In doing so half of an earring lodged in my rolled-up shirt sleeve. If it is yours, please email Sideswipe and I will pop it in the post."