Living in a Hellhole
Following Trump's comments about our latest outbreak, some hard-out, right-wing American who thinks New Zealand is under a crazy military rule called our country a hellhole, but thankfully Kiwis are fluent
in sarcasm and responded with the #NZHellhole hashtag.
1. "Just drinking our state mandated sparkling sauvignon blanc in our #NZhellhole," tweets Sarah.
2. "Awful day here in the #NZHellhole. The Nelson Market was cancelled so had to get fresh-baked bread and organic sausages from the Farmers' Market instead. Off for a stroll in native bush this afternoon and maybe go to a movie. O the tyranny of this jackbooted regime," bemoans Mike Dickison.
3. "Children playing Saturday morning football (soccer). Gotta appreciate the benevolent nature of our captures for allowing this to happen," says Paul Le Comte.
4. "While feeding the prison chickens at my quarantine facility this morning, I stepped in a puddle and water went over the edge of my government-issued jandals and got my socks wet," complains KatCoops.
5. "Not sure how much longer I can tolerate this place. Things came to a head on Friday when the Government emailed to tell me they wanted to give me some more money. The compassionate, helpful bastards," growls Fiona Leitch.
6. "When my partner was diagnosed with cancer we had six months of chemotherapy, three major surgeries, three weeks of radiotherapy, other treatments, and counselling. And I was stuck with the entire, extortionate bill for the coffees at the overpriced hospital cafe," says Tom incredulously.
Humanity void on social media
If you don't think social media is the problem, read this: A 16-year-old refugee has drowned in the English Channel. The Daily Mail readers have a good laugh about it, calling for more and posting memes celebrating his death on their Facebook page. Meanwhile, the person who called them out in the comments has been blocked from posting on the Daily Mail's Facebook, because apparently calling for the deaths of refugees on the Daily Mail's page is acceptable, but criticising that goes against community standards. (Via @DMReporter)
Anyway we're married now…
I had a cold, and went on a date to an Irish pub. I was eating bangers and mash and had the urge to cough. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but just wound up spraying his face with gravy and mashed potatoes through my pursed lips. I was still coughing, so I took a sip of my drink to sooth my throat. It was beer. The bubbles tickled my throat more. I also spit that all over his face. He stared at me in disgusted horror as gravy, mashed potatoes and beer dripped down his face onto his shirt. I laughed and laughed and laughed, making my apologies sound very insincere. Anyways, we're married now. Thank goodness our booth had high backs so only he suffered!"