Paul Casserly: Six of the best

The cast of The Jaquie Brown Diaries. Photo/supplied

Monday

Homeland (8.30pm TV3)

If you're still watching, you'll have come to the conclusion that belief has not just been suspended, it's been packed into a rocket and shot into deep space. But every moment the show causes us to cry out obscenities and bang our fists on the cat, another moment comes along immediately that has us hooked again. The stakes are now ridiculously high, and last weeks death of the Vice President was a sensational turn. But I'm coming to the conclusion that Brody must be imprisoned or even die by the end of the series, which is just a few weeks away. I'm also hoping that Carey becomes obsessed with other types of music, even acid-jazz would be a nice change.

Obsessive Compulsive Hoarder (9.30pm TV1)

It's one of life's mysteries but for some reason shows about mad people who cant stop hoarding shit are incredibly watchable. Perhaps it's because we all have the capacity to become one. I reckon most of us have a desire to un-clutter our homes, don't we? I could easily fill a skip if one were delivered tomorrow. Mind you there's always the memory of those things you threw out thinking you'd never need it again, like that Starksy and Hutch cardigan ...

Tuesday

The Jaquie Brown Diaries (Comedy Central, 8.30pm)

Still bloody funny the second time round (or is it the third?). Jaquie might be good peddling baby advice but she shines as narcissist bitch. Complete with brilliant co-stars Madeline Sami, Hannah Banks (Kim Sharee) and Jonny Brugh, who plays McHuntly. Brugh also co-stars in the recent kiwi movie How to Meet Girls From a Distance - actually he kind of steals the show.

Wednesday

Secret Diary of A Callgirl (Prime, 9.30)

A guilty pleasure if there ever was one. If only this was on when Shane Jones was settling down in his hotel room a few years back we may never had to have that image forever etched into our collective memories. Billie Piper has been the best TV whore in the history of the medium and the show has never tried to take itself seriously enough to be offensive. So I'm sure that like me you will be sad to learn that this will be the last ever episode of the series, so you may need a hanky or some wipes.

Thursday

Embarrassing Bodies (TV1, 8.30pm)

Actually this is more of a guilty pleasure, although squirm inducing is probably closer to the mark. Tonight: A baby bump, even though the woman isn't pregnant? Oh oh, what have we got here?

Which reminds me of a letter to the editor (possibly in The Listener) by some jumped up idiot who cited this show as proof that New Zealand TV programming was going to hell in a hand cart. The complainant tried to link the demise of TVNZ7 with the emergence of "tripe" like this. Ok, so this may be more "pubic" than public service, but for all the gems that sparkled on TVNZ7 there was not one as bright as this.

Also, for all the shocking pustules or weeping, gangrenous, underarm fissures, or indeed on-screen genital mutilation, this show is never as excruciating as one that follows it. Rove LA really is embarrassing. (TV3 9.30pm) He was kind of annoying in Australia but when he's showing off or sucking up to Americans, it's just about unbearable.

Friday

Shortland Street (TV2 7pm)

You know the year is really over when Shorty Street comes to its usually and hopefully bloody climax. I'm not an avid viewer by any means but I won't miss this. Someone will surely die. Something will blow up. A wedding will go horribly wrong. Anything short of on-screen genital mutilation is possible. Who could ask for more than that?