SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.
Hey, can we steal you for a second? Because The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. SINEAD CORCORAN recaps the action.
Good evening and welcome back to my nightly recap of The Bachelorette – the finale edition.
We picked things back up back on the beach where Lesina had asked Aaron to meet her for a "chat" - and you just know it's not going to be the good kind.
"You know this was such a hard decision for me but I've decided I don't want to take anyone to the final rose," she told him through tears.
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"What I wanted out of this experience was to find my forever person, and if I hadn't found that I didn't want to pretend that I had."
And look, who can honestly blame her? I wouldn't have picked either of them either, and this show truly has proven that there are practically zero decent single men left in this country. Lesina, we salute you.
Meanwhile across town Lily was taking both her chaps on their final fantasy dates – and first up was Jesse.
She whisked him away on a boujee helicopter ride to Waiheke where she tried to get him to once and for all tell her how he feels about her, but he was understandably reserved about putting all his cards on the table while she's still technically dating another man.
"I really want to tell you how I feel about you, but every time I do I feel like there's something stuck in my throat," he said.
"I just can't say it because I am really afraid of rejection, but just know that if you choose me I would give you my all – and seeing you with my family made me realise that."
On her final fantasy date with Richie she attempted to get him to reveal his feels for her too.
"Have you ever been in love before?" she asked him.
"Yup, but just with my sewing machine," he replied.
The next day was D-Day, the last rose ceremony where Lily had to decide which of the boys she was going to give her final rose to / accept a hideous Pascoes (non-engagement) ring from.
First out of the car was Jesse, and we all know what that means because it's not like they're going to end the episode with a break up, are they?
"You're a beautiful, gentle man inside and out," she told him.
"But this isn't about you any more - it's about us now, and my heart is telling me it's not us. You make me really happy and I know you're going to make someone else happy."
Next out of the car was obviously Richie because we're down to the final two (can you actually imagine if they flung out 10 more intruders at this point? I would honestly quit my job).
"All the heartaches and hangovers were worth it," she told him while flinging the final rose over her shoulder, because this shit is finally over and we don't need them any more.
"You're the person who I want to make me breakfast in the morning and I've never been so happy to be a normie with you."
They waltzed off into the sunset and, unbeknownst to them, into an impending Covid19 lockdown.
Will their love survive the pandemic? Stay tuned.