We're TWO MONTHS into the first season of The Bachelorette NZ, and what a ride.
Between all the dates, group challenges, rose ceremonies, eliminations and a SECOND BLOODY BACHELORETTE we'll forgive you if you've lost track on who's leading the race/races for Lesina and Lily's heart/hearts.
To help you out, here's our weekly rundown of who we're tipping to get those final roses. It's based on what we like and what we think Lesina and Lily like and there's absolutely no rhyme, reason or science to it beyond that.
• The Bachelorette NZ recap, episode 23: Kumara farmer Michael asks for a sleepover
• Bachelorette NZ contestant Liam speaks out after being kicked off the show
• The Bachelorette NZ recap, episode 21: Someone's lying, Lily's had enough, and one man is sent home
• The Bachelorette NZ: Jilted bachelors hit Tinder
Don't forget we'll be running a list until the lucky bloke(s) get(s) their gal(s) - and that will like mean at least one fewer name every week. Exciting! So, without further explanation:
Honestly, if I got to choose who I was quarantined with in the midst of this pandemic, it would be Quinn until my dying day. Always quinnsistent, never causing drama and with hair volume that could withstand any supermarket stock-up hysteria.
He didn't do anything noteworthy this week aside from telling Lily he "would be the happiest guy in the whole f***ing world" if she chose him – and honestly that's all I need to put him in the top spot.
Jesse won a well-deserved silver medal this week for a) displaying his knowledge of wine during the wine tasting group date, b) proving his loyalty and affection for Lily by absolutely throwing Richie under the bus, and most importantly, c) wearing denim overalls with nothing underneath. 5 stars.
As my love language is 100 per cent gifts, Terrence has slipped into third place for gifting Lily a quite garish but thoughtful piece of art hand-painted by the local neighbour.
I assure you, Aaron has only crept up the rankings by default, solely for being one of the only two men on Lesina's team who hasn't self-eliminated.
He's only ahead of Logan because of that scene where Lesina had to sit through two of the world's most awkward chats with since-gone-home Mike and Michael, and Aaron happened to waltz by next – causing Lesina to basically scream with relief that she'd "missed him heaps."
Poor Logan was not on form this week. He looked v ungainly riding a horse, tried to pash Lesina who said his "kissing dynamics really need work" and constantly brought up his "sexy side" in great detail – including his favourite positions, which were so explicit TVNZ had no choice but to bleep them out.
Bet you didn't expect to see Hot Richie at the bottom of the heap, huh? Well he's had an absolute fall from grace after he forgot he was miked up while he was bitching about Lesina to the rest of the lads.
And in case that's not awkward enough, Gossip Boy then questioned Lily's motive for being on her fourth reality TV show by the age of 23.
"Why does she need to do this to find love?" he asked.
Unfortunately for Richie, his nemesis Jesse overheard his bitching and narked on him to Lily during their one-on-one time – so get ready for s*** to hit the fan on Sunday night when she confronts him about it.
For more behind the scenes interviews from eliminated Bachelorette NZ contestants, and all the gossip about what really goes on inside the mansion - subscribe to the official Bachelorette NZ podcast Can I Steal You For A Second, live now on iHeart Radio and the podcast app.
Hosted by yours truly and ZM's Anna Henvest - we unpack each episode, from the group dates to the rose ceremonies and all the heartbreak and drama along the way.
Subscribe now on iHeart radio and follow along with us on Instagram for all the behind the scenes videos.