SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Lesina Nakhid-Schuster, do not even think about reading on.
Hey, can we steal you for another second? Because, after last night's premiere, The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. JENNI MORTIMER recaps the action.
Episode two begins with our Bachelorette taking another serene, activewear-clad, walk along the beach, as she reflects on the life choices that have led her to this day and this bunch of "eligible" gentlemen.
Meanwhile, back in the mansion, the laid-back bachelors play pool and engage in considered banter with phrases like, "playing pool with the lads", "yeah boy" and "I'm a pool shark".
Tavita speaks of Lesina's desire to find an "intellectual type" and his lack of worry about the "handsome lads". During his monologue, one of the "lads" is seen lifting a leg and expelling a large faux fart. Lesina, you lucky thing.
The first single date begins with food tech teacher, Aaron. We see the pair enjoy a lot of flirty chat at highwire adventure park Tree Adventures. Aaron reveals his extreme fear of heights and how the harness makes him feel - physically.
The longer the date goes on, the more the folks at home fall for the clumsy hunk that is Aaron, and Lesina appears to as well.
When the couple sit down to enjoy a touch of romance in the bush, Aaron immediately knocks a champagne flute over, spilling the bubbles all over the table. He says, "cut that" to producers. They do not, obviously.
Lesina is loving Aaron. We are loving Aaron. And his swoon-worthy "confidence" is going down a treat.
Aaron reveals he just wants a relationship to mimic his parents' lasting love. (Remember Lesina wanted someone like her dad?) It's all happening and we obviously decide to give Aaron a rose. Lesina does too.
Home from his successful date, all the boys are happy for Aaron and his rose. Marc and his toothbrush are especially happy for Aaron. The toothbrush thing was a bit odd.
Next up we have a group date with Dom, Steve, Brendan, George and Marcus who, among other things, have the makings of a great boy band.
Logan, Glenn, Liam and Tevita also go along, as back-up dancers. Or maybe bodyguards? We've forgotten how this show works.
In some kind of reality show collaboration, the boys are now on (Not Celebrity) Treasure Island, as we see that show's hosts, Matt and Bree, pop up to challenge the fellas castaway style.
Liam is upset his shoes are dirty and Bree hopes he doesn't get his "man bun" wet. To be honest, we just want to see the Thor-alike unleash his locks, and he soon does.
Perhaps the biggest bombshell on the "island" comes when Lesina reveals her "threesome". Host Matt is shaken to the core, as are Liam, his rugby jersey and his still-intact man bun.
In a weird, water-based rugby challenge, the boys battle, George gets a cut lip and Glenn is victorious.
"The pill just pops straight out towards me, scoop it up, dive through for the try." Same Glenn. Same.
Lesina decides on a date with jewellery salesperson George next. They take a walk on a farm and have a picnic. It's fine so he gets a rose.
George decides it isn't the best time to reveal he is bisexual and, respectfully, says he wants to get to know Lesina more first.
To sum up, he has a level head on his shoulders. We like him and his grey hoodie looks comfy as.
Next thing we know we're at a cocktail party. The boys are nervous. Glenn isn't sure how to spell Lesina's name and gives her a letter expressing this confusion. He also shares that he thinks Lesina loved seeing the boys shirtless.
Lesina finds this "confusing". Glenn is still convinced he is "alpha male" regardless.
After asking Lesina about her sister's relationship status, which goes down as well as you might think, electrical engineer Brendon takes a weird walk with The Bachelorette.
He reveals that he likes his own space. Perhaps you're wondering why he's chosen to go on a reality TV dating show that involves living in a house full of other men, with the entire premise being to fight for the attention of one beautiful Bachelorette. Me too. But I digress.
The night ends with Lesina having a heart-to-heart with host Art Green and nobody goes home until tomorrow. Not even Brendon.
• Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for all the goss from episode three - including the next elimination.