DJ Khaled is the epitome of a sales-driven cog in the media machine, and it sucks.
By virtue of his many famous friends alone, he should be dominating music in 2019 and instead, he's just kind of here, like Janet from accounts at the work Christmas party - inoffensive, unremarkable and ultimately forgettable.
How is this possible with an insane list of features which includes SZA, Cardi B, Travis Scott, Post Malone, Nas, Rick Ross, Jay Z and Beyonce?
The answer, it seems, is simply because Khaled has no soul. At least not that he's putting into his music anyway. It's just generic hit after generic hit - "hit" being a generous use of the word here.
He even sold his own kid out - thought this would be an insightful concept album? More fool you. Khaled named the album after his son, plastered his photo on the cover and marketing and then recorded a full hour's worth of music with barely a shout-out to wee Asahd.
Across 15 songs, Khaled fails to make a mark. Some artists do so brilliantly without him - Cardi B dominates on Wish, Wish, a track headed straight for the airwaves, and the John Legend and Nipsey Hustle track Higher simply soars.
Even SZA manages to nail her signature style on to Just Us despite the fact Khaled threw her under the bus by recycling Outkast's famous Ms. Jackson track in a blatant attempt to capitalise on the success of the Maria, Maria sampling Wild Thoughts. Spoiler alert: It didn't work.
Khaled's forays into reggae and dancehall do pay off on their own but ultimately make zero sense bookending a hip-hop album, and despite the pure star power, the rest of the tracks barely warrant a mention.
Father of Asahd is not bad, it's not good, it's just there. Much like Janet from accounts, or poor wee Asahd stuck on the cover of an album bound for the vault.
DJ Khaled, Father of Asahd
Artist: DJ Khaled
Album: Father of Asahd
Label: Universal Music
Verdict: The "Janet from accounts" of hip-hop albums