My first job was...
Handing out flyers for a nightclub in Newcastle in the freezing cold from 10 at night til 1 in the morning. Sometimes I'd have to be in the club handing out shots or signing drunk people up for membership cards to get cheap drinks even though drinks in Newcastle are already like, £1.
It taught me… that bringing vodka to work will help you keep warm and make working with drunk people more bearable but will also inevitably get you sacked when you get carried away and end up falling asleep in the office before your shift starts.
My big break came... with my debut show Lady Muck which absolutely snowballed at last years Edinburgh Fringe and became a smash hit. I highly recommend writing a show about a break up, it will get you nominated for lots of awards and you also get to go on an adventure to New Zealand.
The last job I quit was… a waitressing job in London. I quit it to try and have a go of doing comedy full time. That was a year ago and now I'm on the other side of the world doing comedy for a living instead of cleaning ketchup bottles and serving burgers to angry Londoners. I think I made a terrible choice, don't you?
The most famous person I've ever met is… Graham Norton!! He came to see my show in Edinburgh and I could hear his little laugh all through the show and I was trying so hard to keep cool but, in my head, I was like GRAHAM NORTON KNOWS I EXIST AND IS LAUGHING AT MY JOKES.
He was... Amazing! The fact he took the time to come and see a little nobody like me when there is so much choice in Edinburgh really meant the world to me.
The best time I've had on stage was... supporting Katherine Ryan on tour. She's not only an incredible comic on stage but a wonderful person off stage and it's always such a pleasure to work with her. Being trusted to play for her audiences is something I'm very grateful for.
But the worst was... I've had a few where I've played to silence. Actual silence. Those are the ones that my brain likes to remind me of every time I'm having a really nice day.
My dream role would be... a strong, funny female lead who has a lot of scenes that involve eating cheese and petting dogs.
• Lauren Pattison performs at The Classic from Saturday night. For full details see comedyfestival.co.nz