Malapropisms (the extended mix)

1. A colleague explained she was going to the doctor to get a quarter zone injection in her elbow.

2. I used to be a detective and it was common practice to use a dictaphone for taking notes at scenes and such like. One senior detective recording his notes on the condition of the deceased during an autopsy said: "The woman has asparagus veins".

3. I heard my then-husband say, "I'll handle it like a kid with gloves."


4. I also worked with a woman who discussed building something with "tantalised wood".

5. My neighbour knew I was totally into gardening and asked about the "pest" plants on her other border. I explained that most of them were noxious weeds and under the Auckland City rules, these plants should be removed. A few weeks later she came by and told me: "I've called the council about those obnoxious plants." I congratulated her and went inside to laugh.

6. Our 5-year-old daughter used to talk about having a sense of kumara.

7. I once worked with a woman who announced she was going home to make some scrotum for her son's scout camp. I hope she meant scroggin!

8. My 9-year-old grandson told me he had made a New Year's revolution to spend less time on his devices.

9. When she was young our daughter would refer to the President of Cuba as "Fidel Casserole".