Appointment's a bit long in the tooth

A reader writes: "I took my two kids for their dental check-ups the other day. The dental nurse said that all was looking good so was I happy for the kids to be on an 18-month recall. I said yes. A letter arrived from the Auckland Regional Dental Service with our 30 minute appointments scheduled for April 16, 2018! With the interesting note that if we can't attend then please call to reschedule. Who knows if we will be able to make it?" "

News nostalgia

1984 in Richmond, California: After 71-year-old Alice Richie's husband died, she began watering her lawn. And she didn't stop. She kept the sprinklers on 24 hours a day, for over a year. Rain or shine. Using over 20,000 gallons of water a day. Her backyard turned into a swamp, breeding mosquitoes. The run-off poured on to her neighbours' properties, damaging the foundations of their homes and causing algae to grow on driveways. The city had to put up caution signs on the sidewalk in front of her home. Richie ignored pleas to turn off the water. When asked why she was watering so much, she replied, "It's none of your goddamn business." People speculated that she believed she was washing away evil spirits. However, she paid all her utility bills on time, so the water company couldn't simply cut her off. Finally, her neighbours took her to court and a flow restrictor was put on her waterline."

Kitchener carpark torture

A reader writes: "I've had the unfortunate experience last week of requiring parking in Auckland's Kitchener St carpark. The whole vibe of the place can only be described as 'yuck'. Stagnant pools of water on the floor, lifts that smell like broken urinals (the women next to me was literally holding her breath for 3 levels), a stairwell that has had a shrill, high-pitched alarm blaring for the last 4 days, and this morning we found excrement by the cars. The carpark's slogan is 'Expect More' - at $13 an hour, surprisingly, we do."

Souvenirs from our Viking whanau

"I spotted this in Orkney," writes Jude. "Yes, it's replica jewellery of a bone carving in the shape of a stylised fish hook. No, it isn't Maori - it's Viking! It isn't from NZ, it's from about as far from New Zealand as you can get. I was actually wearing a bone fish-hook when I took this photo, but mine was from NZ."


Autocorrect stuff-ups

1. We live in the Waitakere Ranges and trying to pass on the number of our arborist, the text I sent read: "Here's the number of our abortionist. Great guy. We thoroughly recommend."

2. My autocorrect faux pas came about when typing family details into the genealogy programme. It corrected "husband" to read "housemaid" which I found somewhat ironic.

Good read #1: Don't comment. No matter who you are...

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Video: The very best presidential bloopers (George W Bush has impeccable comic timing)

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