"This old armchair in Mt Roskill had three such 'we are investigating' stickers on it from someone sent out by the Auckland Council," writes Paul Carpenter of Rotorua. "The chair was taken soon afterwards by someone wanting to recover it. No need for the Auckland Council to waste ratepayers' money."

Prank opportunity too good to be missed

Malcolm writes: "An acquaintance of mine was mowing his berm when the owner of a neighbouring business drove up and left the motor running while he went into his premises. Gordon got in the vehicle and drove it around the back of the building, then returned to mowing his lawn. The vehicle owner re-emerged from the building. Convinced someone had stolen his vehicle, he headed back inside to call the police. While he was on the phone Gordon drove the vehicle back and parked it where it had been then again returned to his lawns. Imagine the look on the owner's face when he re-emerged to await the police. Priceless."

Kiwi treason


A Twitter hashtag asks: Saying what out loud would be Kiwi treason?

1. The haka is over-commercialised and completely void of any meaning.

2. They're Chinese Gooseberries.

3. It is pronounced "Next minute".

4. Never blew on any pie.

5. I like Auckland.

6. Rugby sevens is not an Olympic sport.

7. We're not the best country in the world to bring up kids.

8. I tell tourists that we are not that clean and green.

9. I simply can't wait to receive my next set of instructions from Gareth Morgan about how to live my life.

10. Buck Shelford wasn't that tough.

11. Still haven't seen Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

12. Pavlova tastes like a chalky dirt cowpat.

13. Hairy Maclary, Muffin McLay and the whole damned street-roaming pack of them should be impounded by Animal Control.

School daze

1. "When I was at Timaru Boys High School in the 60s, the city had a reticulated coal gas system (of very low pressure), and this supply fed the Bunsen burners in our science labs," explains Tom Clarke of Taupo. "Our trick was to blow like mad down the rubber tubes linking the burners to the supply, by which means you could fill the supply pipes to the labs with air in place of the gas. For a time we had a somewhat ineffectual ex-chemist taking our science lessons, who was totally bamboozled by the Bunsen burner blowing out his match each time he tried to light it."

2. Virginia Paquay writes: "1943, Ellerslie Primary School, aged 6: I was a shy little soul fresh from a farm up North. No pre-teaching from Maw and Paw who were too busy with cows. I was not a good student and once was 'called up' to the front for some misdeed, and was given 'six of the best' by my teacher. He was very tall and muscled, darkly looming over a poor wee girl shaking in her boots. Who was he? Eric Boggs, All Black!"

Video: Imposter syndrome...

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