Everyone's had their say on the Oscar face slap. I certainly have. People have been asking me to shut up about it for a week now. More than one of my radio show listeners has asked me to "Keep Will Smith's name out yourf***ing mouth".
I will not because I love stoic philosophy and Smith's behaviour is a perfect example of an observation Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius made 1850 years ago.
"How much more harmful are the consequences of anger than the circumstances that aroused it in us?" — Marcus Aurelius
A handsome, extremely talented actor will now be remembered more for a violent tantrum than his work. He turned his highest moment into his biggest loss. All because he wasn't able to control his anger.
It's a lesson for all of us. Think before you act. Rage is temporary insanity, allow it to take you over, and you will come out worse off.
In the year 45AD, Seneca wrote: "Reject straight away anger for once it begins to carry us away, it is hard to get back a healthy condition. Reason goes when passion has been admitted to the mind, and has by our own free will been given authority, it will do what it chooses, not what you allow".
Don't let yourself become a slave to your rage. Take a second and in that first moment, choose not to be offended.
Anger may feel good in the short term, but it never aligns with your long-term goals or ideals. If, for example, you want to be a "vessel of love", think carefully before you smack someone in the face over a gag.
The great Marcus Aurelius used a simple technique to nip anger in the bud. When people annoyed him, he would immediately say to himself: '"I don't have to turn this into something. It doesn't have to upset me."
Marcus believed the first response should be no response. It gives you time to formulate a plan, and it's a good counterattack.
A face that can't be read creates doubt in an opponent. As Marcus wrote: "Stand by a rock and insult it, and what have you accomplished? If someone responds to insult like a rock, what has the abuser gained?"
If you are prone to anger, Marcus Aurelius suggests preparing in advance.
"When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and rude… I recognise their nature is related to my own."
There will be annoying people wherever you go, but it would be hypocritical to get mad. There is no doubt you have been that person to others.
"Ask, what fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticise?"
Will Smith could have asked himself two simple questions. Do Oscar comedians usually make jokes at the expense of the rich and powerful in attendance? Have I made jokes at other people's expense in similar circumstances? Yes and Yes. Had he stopped and asked those questions he wouldn't have stormed the stage and destroyed his reputation.
On a side note, comedians at the Academy Awards serve a function more important than getting laughs. They are there, right or wrongly, to bring powerful people like the Smiths down a peg. The Oscars is a smug event in which the rich, famous and beautiful get together to congratulate themselves on their amazing talent. If there are no shots fired back it becomes too decadent and self-congratulatory for nobodies like us to stomach.
Some people confuse use of violence with strength. They believe because Will hit Chris and he didn't hit back, he won the encounter. Marcus would disagree.
Chris Rock reacts after being hit on stage by Will Smith at the Oscars. Photo / AP
"A real man doesn't give way to anger and discontent… the nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength."
We will never be in a position to humiliate ourselves on the level Smith has. None of us will ever be as rich, famous, talented or powerful. We will never be seated upfront at the Oscars with the elite of the elite.
We can, however, easily mess up our own little lives. We can get angry and humiliate ourselves at weddings, work functions, drive-throughs and family get-togethers. If you feel the rage coming on, call to mind Will Smith and the damage he did to his highfalutin life. We're a lot closer to the ground than him. No matter what happens, he'll remain rich. We could lose everything over a stupid act like that.
So take a moment before you slap someone. As Seneca wrote: "The greatest remedy for anger is delay".
