Harry and Meghan have more in common with our reality TV stars then they'd care to admit.
After cutting ties with the royal family and burning all bridges, the couple declared they'd be financially independent and making their own way in this cruel world.
They had plans, they said. BIG plans. And what were those plans exactly? Basically to remain famous and have money flow into their bank accounts from ... somewhere. Sounds foolproof. I'm kinda annoyed my accountant hasn't hooked me up on this same financial plan.
It's the same goal all reality contestants have after enduring whatever televised freak show they appear on. Married At First Sight, The Bachelor, Big Brother – doesn't matter which one. Most contestants believe it will set them up for life and they can merely be paid for being who they are without doing anything at all.
For three months after a show, they're on a high, with people still recognising them and they go on what my mate calls "the RSL circuit". After a reality show wraps, contestants get roped into doing publicity appearances at leagues clubs around the country. They get maxi taxied out to the suburbs and receive a few bucks for hanging around and taking photos with locals. And while all that's happening, Samantha Jade is usually performing nearby under a giant Keno TV screen. The razzle dazzle of showbiz, huh?
Well, Corona swept in like the wicked dame she is and blew up the big plans of Harry and Meghan and also prevented all our reality stars from embarking on the glitzy RSL circuit.
Every single reality contestant who has appeared on screen this year sacrificed their reputation for nothing. Because of lockdown restrictions, they faded out immediately without enjoying the perks. And by perks I mean a complimentary schnitty.
To be honest, the RSL circuit sounds like a more solid plan that whatever Harry and Meghan had. Right now those former royals would be lucky to be maxi taxied around on the RSL circuit. They could be the support act for Rodney Rude. I bet Meghan's definitely got a tight five stand-up set of Kate gags she could whip out.
It was reported this week the trademark application they lodged for their non-profit Archwell charity was rejected for being too vague. That's how unsure they are about what they want to do — they don't even have enough details to fill in a form. Apparently it was also not signed and not fully paid.
While reality stars are lamenting Covid for thwarting their attempts at stardom, Harry and Meghan are probably breathing a sigh of relief. Now they can just blame the restrictions for ruining their big vague plans and use lockdown as an excuse. When people ask what they're up to, they can just roll their eyes and sigh that they had some incredible projects in the works but coronavirus stopped them all from happening. It's very convenient for them.
Of course, they could always follow the path that some other reality stars are skipping down to drag out their 15 minutes. Maybe they should start an OnlyFans?
Okay, my apologies – that was disrespectful. If anyone should be launching an OnlyFans it's Camilla and Charles.