Stars; they're just like us!
Even with millions of dollars and access to the best designers, there are many celebrities who live in homes that belong on an episode of Changing Rooms. It's a scientific fact the more money you have, the uglier your house is.
In recent weeks, we've gasped at Demi Moore's carpeted bathroom – complete with rock wall cladding – after she posted an innocent selfie on Instagram.
And then we were gifted Gigi Hadid's abode this week. She offered a glimpse inside her New York apartment – a luxury space she "spent all of last year designing and creating" – and fans quickly dubbed it "ugly". The home tour should've come with a trigger warning for anyone who grew up in the '90s – the age of DIY home reno shows.
Gigi proudly showed off her "passion project" featuring a bowl filled with old billiard balls on the kitchen bench, magazine covers collaged over the bathroom walls, and window cutouts in the kitchen cabinets filled with dried pasta spirals dyed various colours.
I kept waiting for Suzie Wilks to appear wearing denim shorts and Blundstones.
With the introduction of Instagram, we're able to set foot inside the intimate, personal spaces of famous people – and promptly judge their interiors like we're Shaynna Blaze criticising some bogan couple's bathroom revamp on The Block.
What is it about an ugly celebrity home that shocks and satisfies us so much? On one hand, none of us should be judging. Even the worst celebrity house is better than our own. I live in a former brothel behind a strip club – I am certainly in no position to be judging Demi Moore's carpeted bathroom. But on the other hand, people with money should know better.
Our ruthless judgment of their homes is similar to when we assess their terrible red carpet outfits – scrolling through tabloid photos of all the dresses and critiquing them like we're Anna Winter curating the September issue of Vogue. And while doing this, we're slumped in bed wearing a sweatshirt that hasn't been washed since last winter.
Remember in the early 2000s when entire magazine covers would be dedicated to celebrities with botched plastic surgery? That was back in the good old days – before we had to pretend to have a conscience. In 2020, we're supposed to at least act like we're politically correct – and that means no quadruple-page spreads dedicated to botched Botox. (Side note: Those spreads always featured at least one photo of that "cat lady" Jocelyn Wildenstein. I miss her).
Anyway, with the risk of being cancelled for not being woke, we can't criticise people's appearances anymore. Boo. So where are we supposed to funnel our toxic judgments? Gross interior design choices! That's the social loophole and, for now, it's acceptable.
Sometimes it's not surprising when a celebrity's house is ugly. Like Katie Price. She lives in a dilapidated hovel in the English countryside and we're not really shocked because, you know ... it's Katie Price.
Same with Donald Trump. We know ridiculously wealthy people will always deck out their homes with gaudy and grotesque opulence – just lots of gold paint, chrome and plaster mouldings to make the place look like it's an ancient Roman temple even though it was built in California in 2003.
Mariah Carey gave us a peek inside her joint recently and she has got ridiculous gold sinks in the bathroom. Not surprising, I mean, Mariah. But still.
Prince was one of the world's most iconic and wealthy performers and yet the exterior of his iconic Paisley Park mansion in Minnesota looked like an abandoned Stockland shopping mall.
What we really love though is ugly homes that belong to celebrities who have otherwise exceptional taste. That's why Demi's carpeted bathroom and weird old couch was such a hot topic.
The same with that Hadid girl. She's young, hip, rich. She could just run down to her local Homemaker centre, buy whatever's on display at Freedom and – bam! – job's done. It's really not that hard.
The ugly houses aren't just a Hollywood thing. Remember when Jesinta and Buddy Franklin painted their semi-detached home all black? We love them. But as one of the most stylish couples in the country, we couldn't understand why they didn't at least opt for some contrasting trims. It looked like Buddy got bored on a Saturday and just bought a couple of cans of black spray paint from Bunnings.
We also had a lot to say about Guy Sebastian's shack. Obviously we all adore Guy. We appreciate his fashion-forward flair. The man loves to make a bold statement and isn't afraid to experiment. But we also love making fun of his shipping container house.
Inside it's stunning – magazine-worthy. But on the outside it looks like the demountable classrooms at my regional high school.
These shining examples of bad design choices rival many of the DIY home disasters that litter Kmart Mum Facebook groups. And they make us feel better about our own crap shacks.
No doubt you're all feeling inspired to spray paint your own homes now, so get down to Bunnings and say hi to Karen.