If Guy Williams invites you over for dinner, be warned - this could be his menu. "An entree of some fruit cut up, probably a pineapple; chicken, potatoes and mixed vegetables; then Coco Pops," the comedian laughs. "It's my favourite dessert."
Williams, the comedian who's gone from Dai Henwood's sidekick to prime time major player, knows it's ironic he's hosting TV3's new cooking show
Come Dine With Me
, which takes over the old
7pm slot from tonight.
"I can't cook at all," he admits.
"I'm appallingly bad. The hardest thing about cooking is getting everything ready at the same time. I can never manage that: if I get potatoes and chicken going, my potatoes will come out two hours after the chicken's ready.
"I'll eat chicken by itself, potatoes by themselves, and mixed veges by themselves, because I've done a terrible job of planning the whole thing."
It's lucky, then, that Williams' new role - hosting a local version of UK home cooking hit Come Dine With Me - doesn't involve being anywhere near the food.
The Jono and Ben star provides the show's voiceover, gently mocking the contestants as they take turns cooking for each other at home, then rating the experience afterwards.
The prize? $2000 cash.
It's been a controversial move: when TV3 announced the show would be screening at 7pm, Williams was accused of being responsible for the demise of Campbell Live.
Williams says Come Dine With Me was never intended to replace Campbell Live, and the accusations are "ridiculous". TV3 calls Come Dine With Me an eight-week stop-gap measure while it preps a new current affairs show.
It's an unlikely 7pm show, but it's really rather good.
With its hideous fashion choices, budget meals and awkward conversations, Williams compares Come Dine With Me to Neighbours at War and Police Ten 7 - reality shows that provide a snapshot of "every day New Zealand life".
"Masterchef or My Kitchen Rules aren't honest representations of what it's like for most people. They really are basically professional chefs looking to get their start and you don't realise that," the 27-year-old says.
"The great thing about this show is it's literally people like you and me who in many cases don't have the talent for the dish that they're going to prepare. People make absolute disasters and it's very funny seeing them serve them up to people."
In tonight's first episode, Slovakian child carer Monika cooks a main dish with chicken breasts so large no one can finish them, then serves a dessert that she describes as looking like "the contents of a child's nappy" while she's preparing it.
Her guests for this DIY meal include real estate agent Tony, who arrives dressed like Hugh Hefner, a yoga enthusiast called Sarah who refuses to eat most of the food, and Hinemoa, who admits spending half an hour sculpting her eyebrows every single day.
Things definitely get heated in the kitchen: during the post-dinner entertainment, there's a fire at the dinner table.
Williams' role in all of this is to deliver quick, simple one-liners - a "toned back" version of the role he plays on Friday evening's Jono and Ben.
"I really enjoy taking the joke too far," he says. "It's one of those situations where you try and laugh with the contestants rather than at them."
Besides, Williams says he hasn't had to work hard to make Come Dine With Me funny.
He thinks the concept is "hilarious".
"I always dismissed shows like this but I laughed all the way through. It's pure entertainment."