Modern way tests Nettels

Richmond, dad Aran, mum Colleen and baby Keenan. Photo / Chris Skelton

First there were the Yuppies and the Dinks, then the Snags and the Wags; now, meet the Nettels, an acronym for "Not enough time to enjoy life", coined by Australian demographer Bernard Salt.

It describes the rising pool of households headed by two high-income earning, full-time working parents with dependent children.

Until their children turn 15, parents are condemned to shuttle continually between work, home and school.

These Nettel families are defined by the fact that every evening, the parents whip out their BlackBerries and diarise, scheme and plot the next day's activities down to the last minute, says Salt.

They barter with each other in the vein of: "I'll do the 4pm pick up if you cover me when I have to go out of town for work on Friday."

"There's more horse trading and dealing than you'll see in the United Nations," says Salt.

Then they plot and scheme about who else they can draw into their vortex to pick up a kid or mind them after school.

All sorts of politicking goes on about who can be asked to help out and how many times. It's all made easier if you have an orbiting grandmother who can be used to pick up the pieces to sustain your lifestyle, Salt says.

This has come about because people are marrying later.

Typically, women in Australia and New Zealand marry aged about 29 and have their first confinement at 31.

They have become accustomed to buying whatever they want and travelling whenever they want and it's hard to go back. The bar of expectations has been lifted.

A generation ago, when baby boomers were marrying at 21 or 22 and having kids at 23 or 24, they had nothing to start with and accumulated prosperity later.

Modern families "need" two cars, restaurant meals, holidays away, a plasma TV, mobile phones for everyone in the household - and the only way all this can be sustained is if both parents work flat out.

The traditional nuclear family used to be propelled by a single, male-breadwinner income.

By the late 90s, it needed to be augmented by, usually, a part-time female income.

That still wasn't enough to keep up with the Joneses, so they jettisoned a few kids.

Now, instead of having four, we're down to one, maybe two kids, and two incomes - and even then, we're only just able to keep up with the Joneses.

There are ballet lessons, orthodontist fees, school trips - that's the whole Nettel syndrome.

In 10 to 20 years' time, the idea of mum, dad and a few kids supported by a single male breadwinner will be extinct, Salt says. It cannot survive in modern society given the demands of consumerism.

If men and women are not buying into having kids until their early 30s, they've moved up the corporate ladder, and it's easier to leave a job when you're at the bottom rung. If you're in the middle, in a management role, why should you give it up?

Surely managing a family is just like managing a corporation - you just need to be organised.

Nettels have this bizarre aspiration to eventually turn into Pottels - people with plenty of time to enjoy life, Salt says, but the Pottel is actually a mirage. It's there to lure people into the Nettel lifestyle, thinking eventually they will have plenty of time to enjoy life - but they never do.

Rampant consumerism may have eased with the recession and some families having a rude awakening with job losses.

Straitened times may prompt a re-think and moderation in the demand for a particular lifestyle, but Salt says it won't be permanent. "It's a primal urge to survive, to win, to gather more food, to be more secure, to beat the opposition, to be the top of the tribe - the Alpha family."

He paints a bleak picture of how the Nettel lifestyle plays out. A popular way is for the male to drop dead from a heart attack, or both partners burn out or divorce because they're so busy that they're not investing in their relationship.

But ultimately he thinks the Nettel is remarkably resilient and here to stay.

"Modern households are convinced they need more stuff and that means they need more full-time income and there's just a period in life when you're flat out."

Working to live works for this family

Corporate manager for Westpac Colleen Birmingham-Brown and husband Aran Brown, HR manager for Express Couriers, live in Auckland's Parnell, handy to their workplaces.

They have two children: Richmond, 15, and Keenan, 1, and can work from home if required.

Colleen's parents mind Keenan three days a week, and the other two he has a nanny. Colleen acknowledges people are judgmental about that.

They arrange schedules regularly as a family. "We need to know who's doing what and where. We are organised - you have to be.

"We are busy - modern families are, but for us, to work full-time is a choice. We like travelling, we've just come back from holiday in Fiji. We like to maintain the lifestyle we have - we can go to the movies and dinner - we know we both have to work to maintain that."

But Colleen says they enjoy life, "working to live, not living to work". They have land up north to disappear to, Aran plays sport two nights a week and Colleen has time for her Maori trustee commitments.