Ex-Files with Jeremy Sutton: What to do about social media dramas after you and your partner separate

Issues concerning social media can arise after separation. Photo / 123rf

Q: My partner and I have been separated for a few months now.

While in the care of my former partner I’ve noticed the kids are constantly on their tech devices and do not do other activities together. Secondly, my partner is constantly posting on social media about what they are doing with the children. I have also asked him to remove photos of the children off his Facebook page but so far he’s refused.

A: First you should try and reach agreement with the other party on guidelines for use of technology including TikTok and YouTube. You can set time limits and blocking of sites.

Outside help

A psychologist, counsellor or other specialists could help with ideas.

If you are unable to obtain assistance, then I would suggest you attend FDR mediation.

Social media

You can ask your partner to consent to posts being removed from social media.

If your partner does not consent, this could become a guardianship dispute. You could file an application to the Family Court seeking a removal of the photographs.

Netsafe

You could also look at Netsafe the body which has power to assist people with the Harmful Digital Communications Act 2015.

Netsafe is currently appointed to perform functions which include:

· Receiving and assessing complaints about harms caused to individuals by digital communications

· Investigating complaints; and

· To provide education advice on policies for online safety and conduct on the internet.

Netsafe uses advice, common negotiation, mediation and persuasion in an attempt to resolve complaints.

Where Netsafe has been unable to resolve a complaint, it may be possible to seek an order in the District Court. Anyone in New Zealand including young people or parents on behalf of their child can get help from Netsafe.

The options available under the act will reflect the age of the people involved in the online incident. To get information or support from Netsafe you can contact them in a variety of ways. You can make a report online through their website or contact them by email: help@netsafe.org.nz phone 0508 NETSAFE or text Netsafe to 4282.

Communication

It is best to have one consistent form of communication. I would also encourage you to have a regular review time once a week where you as the parents can catch up, discuss the children’s activities and update each other with what is happening. You could involve your children as well. Many parents have a shared Google calendar or other calendar for posting any events relating to the children.

Communication methods

It is important that during changeovers there is one consistent method, this is usually text message. If you aren’t available there needs to be a backup person that they can contact.

If the children have special needs, you will need to make sure you communicate about those.

This could be a parenting plan which suggests guidelines for technology use.

There is an excellent workbook from the Ministry of Justice on parenting plans.

Conclusion

The technology we have makes parenting more complicated. There are so many options available, it is advisable to narrow down what tools will be used and when. It is an excellent idea to have a discussion every month on how things are working with communication and technology and how best they might change.

Jeremy Sutton is a barrister and family lawyer at Bastion Chambers.