OPINION: Going parking mad

HOW'S THIS for an abiding memory of peace on Earth, goodwill towards man, woman and children in Auckland? Coming home from Coca-Cola Christmas in the Park last year, about 10pm, we happened upon a family - Mum, Dad, four or five kids aged from the little one in Mum's arms to a young teen - standing on the footpath.
Most, if not all, of the children were crying. Mum was trying to placate them, while Dad
... shall we say "debated'' ... with an Auckland City parking warden, who was extremely proud of having done his duty by having the family car - and half a dozen others - towed from the roadside verge while thousands of Aucklanders were getting into the spirit of
Christmas. He made it very clear it sure as heck wasn't his problem how they were going to get home to West Auckland.
The "verge'' in question wasn't the sacred cricket and footie pitches or the hallowed museum forecourt. Or somewhere blocking traffic or preventing an ambulance getting into the Domain or anyone getting out. It was a dusty, unloved strip of overlooked land on the motorway approaches. On that one night of the year, of all nights, you might think Auckland City might show just a tad of joy to the world?
Here's another impersonal experience. We live in a group of townhouses near the CBD. Long ago, the body corporate employed a tow-firm to make sure that city workers didn't park in the complex all day and to prevent evening or weekend visitors hogging the residents' spaces. There's an empty space next to our place. One day, I left the scooter there and walked to work.
At 10am my 19-year-old stepdaughter heard the towie lashing the scooter to his truck. No point debating the finer legalities of scooter parking (he was wrong); this brave fellow, only three times as big and twice as old as my stepdaughter, gouged $80 out of her student loan before unstrapping the 49cc moped. There used to be an offence called "demanding money with menaces''; is it still in the statutes?
CHANCES ARE, if you ran an internet or newspaper poll from Reykjavik to Invercargill, Auckland's public and private parking police would probably come out tops - or should it be bottoms - as among the meanest-spirited, most bloodyminded gits on the face of the planet.
They are not there to guard public safety. They are not there to make sure that everyone gets a fair crack at using the few, and fewer, parking spaces available around our cities. They are purely and simply what the good ol' moonshiners in America's Deep South used to call "revenooers''. The good ol' moonshiners had their own recipe for dealing with them, but that remedy is not available to Auckland motorists these days.
Our revenue collectors don't only clip the ticket. They write the ticket, then clip it as well.
Dominion Rd and Quay St drivers know video cameramen are stationed permanently on
certain corners. They do this not to keep the bus lanes clear for public transport commuters; they do it because city councillors have complained that they're not getting as much money as they want from parking tickets. Spoilsport Aucklanders have been catching buses and not parking in town.
The grasping reached a high (low?) point during the recent bus lockout when the cameramen were despatched to film motorists using near-empty bus lanes, including Grafton Bridge (which buses won't use until late November, at least). At last report, the
council was threatening to fine these dangerous criminals $150 each for using a bus-free busway.
The Herald's Sideswipe column received a letter from a reader perplexed after receiving a parking ticket in Westmere at 1.43am. "What was a parking officer doing ticketing furiously in a suburban street at that hour?'' he asked. Auckland City Council's answer: parking enforcement staff operate 24/7 year round. A small team works between 7pm
and 6am and they respond to callouts - ie., people who dob in their neighbours.
Then there's the council's spectacular feat of wheelclamping itself over after-hours parking fees. First, council officers wrote a "confidential'' report that they wanted to
keep hidden from ratepayers - the people who pay their wages. It was made public only
after protests by councillors and it recommended extending parking meter hours in the central city, Viaduct, Parnell, Newmarket and Ponsonby - the places where many Aucklanders go out at night to eat, meet or see movies.
Councillor Mark Donnelly said it was "a straight money grab'' to fill a demand by Mayor
John Banks and Citizens & Ratepayers councillors for council officers to increase parking revenue by $2.5 million a year.  This week, the council went into reverse after more than 80 per cent of 1500 online survey respondents opposed the plan.
IT'S EASY to pick on the council: it seems to sit up and beg for it. Last weekend, a sunny, happy crowd of thousands gathered at the Parnell Festival in the Rose Gardens: dancing, strolling, eating, chatting, enjoying markets and music and foodstalls. Right outside, naturally, was the little white car with the flashing orange lights and Officer Jobsworth with his shiny-seated pants, electronic ticket-punch and officious attitude, rained on Joe
and Joanne Public's perfect day.
What about private operators, like the sympathetic folk of Wilson Parking, and their treatment of Barry De Geest, featured in The Aucklander and www.theaucklander.co.nz this week?
Barry, born without arms and with rather short legs, drives a modified van (number
plate: UNARMD). A look in the window shows it's clearly equipped for a disabled driver. If that's not a giveaway, the mobility permit might just be another clue.
Barry parked in a mobility spot in Wilson's car park at Princes Wharf. When he returned
to his van, he found a $45 notice for not displaying a ticket. He sent a letter explaining his condition and that he was unaccompanied at the time. Too bad: Wilson's didn't give a flying click that the man can't actually work a pay-and-display machine unless someone else is around with arms and hands to help.
YES, MOST of this rant is drawn from experiences in central Auckland. But if you live
on the Shore or Papakura or Titirangi, don't snigger. Just think what will happen when most of today's "local body'' services are handed to council-controlled organisations under Auckland Transition Agency head Mark Ford's blueprint.
- Ewan McDonald is editor of The Aucklander