I can only offer anecdotal rather than scientific evidence but I'm prepared to wager conversations travel better through a relatively tranquil train carriage than any other form of public transport. Buses? Too much engine noise. Aeroplanes? Ditto, plus the blasted air conditioning. But the Northern Explorer coasting down the main trunk line? Prepare for conversation gold to pan into your ears.
Perhaps Mrs Alderson and I were bereft of chat as we bounced 7-month-old Jack on our respective knees? Not a chance. We were full of bonhomie on a seamless tour orchestrated by Pukekohe Travel. When a company says you'll be picked up at 8.43am rather than 8.40am or 8.45am, they're either taking the mickey or they know their stuff. The latter proved correct.
Perhaps people add a few extra decibels to their speech as insurance against a perceived cacophony of external noise? Possibly, but it made for a fascinating journey.
More than anything, the audio snooping indicated the refreshing levels of candour to which mothers, husbands, sons and daughters are prepared to engage:
• The entire carriage went silent - other than the gentle flapping of a herd of Dumbo ears - when a Kris Jenner doppelganger with a couple of chardys down the hatch espoused the finer points of the erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey, saying to her 60-something mum and four-prong sorority that "I want him [Mr Grey], and I want my husband to sit there and watch."
• The pros and cons of rest-home living created robust debate, notably about whether Ryman or Summerset villages offered better value.
• A card game of 500 takes a sedate form, until a wasp kamikazes the table. Then it becomes a game of 52 pick-up as participants look to give the befuddled insect the purity of oblivion.
• What are the benefits to removing verrucas with dry ice? What about moles and their delicate positioning on the human body? Again, the suggestions rolled forth on this veritable voyage of discovery.
The other, shall we say, more constructive highlight of the journey is the Raurimu Spiral, New Zealand transport engineering's answer to the Channel Tunnel or Suez Canal.
In creating the main line, no one could find a cost-effective way to get between the National Park volcanic plateau in the east and the valleys and gorges of the Whanganui River in the west.
In 1898 the public works department had a eureka moment, creating a solution featuring two tunnels, three horseshoe curves and a complete circle which used the land contours to reduce expenses and surmount the height difference of 139m in just 6.8km.
Our only reservation about going on the journey was the prospect of getting acute claustrophobia/distressed child syndrome (AC/DC) the moment Jack made the slightest murmur. We needn't have feared. When he piped up briefly pre-feed, there were approximately 70 understanding mums on hand to offer assistance.
Another tip for new parents - the outdoor carriage, where children can cry to their tear ducts' content, is a splendid safety net.
For the return journey, stock up at National Park's Station Cafe where they appeared to be making enough provisions for hibernation. The food proved delicious comfort fuel as we mulled over our refreshing pre-winter break and relaxed to the sounds of the random raconteurs.
CHECKLIST
Getting there: The Northern Explorer train operates a six-day timetable to National Park station, travelling from Auckland on Monday, Thursday and Saturday, and from Wellington on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. Return fares generally cost between $138 and $169 but look out for specials. It takes five hours and 45 minutes. Chateau Tongariro is 6km up SH48, in the shadow of Mt Ruapehu.
Room cost: A standard room at the Chateau Tongariro Hotel costs $195 and most others are under $300, or splurge on the Te Heu Heu suite at $1000 a night. Check for deals like Pukekohe Travel's annual Mother's Day special.
