Facing a group holiday with unfamiliar faces? Here's how to relax, participate, and enjoy every moment. Photo / 123rf
Facing a group holiday with unfamiliar faces? Here's how to relax, participate, and enjoy every moment. Photo / 123rf
It’s a group holiday but I don’t know anyone else going and I’m scared of getting things wrong – how do I change my mindset? By Annabel Rivkin and Emilie McMeekan, THE MIDULTS
Dear A&E,
I am going on holiday with friends I don’t know that well in a coupleof weeks and I am nervous as to what will be expected of me. I am staying with them – as their guest – in Greece. They are married and I am single. It’s a group but I don’t know who else is going, I don’t know “the form” as my mother would have said and I’m just dreading it a bit whilst being scared of getting things wrong. How do I manage this both in terms of manners and mindset? I know it’s only a holiday but I’m feeling the pressure...
“Only a holiday,” you say. Only a holiday. And yet, we pile so much hope and expectation onto holidays. In our fantasies, they are the reward, the reset, the solution. They are how we make new friends; broaden our cultural horizons; learn about other people and other places. If the rest of the year is the question, that precious holiday is the answer. They are the receptacle into which we pour everything. No wonder they are stressful. We might all do well to remember that if we expect holidays to “fix” everything, then we run the risk of ending up in a pickle. Like drinking when we’re feeling sad…
As for investing in the unknown holiday…the lucky dip…the mystery prize…? Scary. As we all know, a holiday blessed with the right chemistry sets us on the fast track to joy and lifelong friendship. A holiday with the wrong chemistry can send us into a proper spiral that genuinely requires some recovery just to nudge us back towards feeling “normal” again.
We would counsel you to keep your expectations low. That is not to say that you should plan for it to be a disaster but, perhaps, frame it as an experience rather than a profoundly healing break/the most fun you’ve ever had. Maybe book something else later in the year, just so you can rest assured that you have some other downtime, even if that is a few days off, at home. If this holiday is it until Christmas then you may end up resenting every siesta you are not “allowed” to have; every yoga Zoom you have been “cheated” out of; every podcast you can’t listen to because you’re being dragged up a mountain or into some ancient ruin as part of someone else’s itinerary.
Group holidays can be a great way to make new friends and create lasting memories. Photo / 123rf
In terms of your mother’s “form”, the battle lines around being a guest are reasonably clear: Take a present. Write a thank you letter. Take the villa out for lunch or dinner and, if you can’t afford to do that, shop and cook. Beyond this, it would be perfectly reasonable to call your host and ask a few questions about their holiday style. Are they activity people or floppers or a mixture of both? Find out. If you arrive expecting to lie down for a week and find yourself ruthlessly flung onto a paddleboard then that will be hard. If you arrive anticipating an energetic exploration of the mountains and ruins only to discover that everyone sleeps all day, then that will be weird too.
Ask if there is anything you can bring. Anything you might help with? It might be sensible to say that you are really looking forward to it (white lie) but that you are also feeling a bit nervous which will just let them know that you are slightly vulnerable and unsure which is no bad thing.
Although holidaying with people you don’t know well can be intimidating, you may reap great rewards: unfamiliarity amongst a group of people can be an opportunity for everyone to be a little bit marvellous; to be their best, funniest and most compelling. A bit like bringing a friend to a family Christmas and finding that – miraculously – everyone suddenly behaves. The other boon is that, were this all to go wrong (it is more likely to go right, by the way) you have not sacrificed a long-cherished friendship on the altar of a bad holiday.
New environments and people can bring out the best in everyone, making the holiday more enjoyable. Photo / 123rf
Once you get there, remember that you are not there to perform. They have not bought your time. Of course, it’s lovely and flattering to be invited but you do not have to set yourself on fire just to keep everyone else warm. Do not judge anyone for the first day or two. You may find that the grumpy, pale woman whining about her baggage allowance turns out to be an absolute treasure after a couple of days of Vitamin D and Saganaki. Don’t get too drunk – particularly on the first night – because that might see you making weird alliances. Plus, everything is harder with a hangover.
Lastly – and this is heartfelt – well done for saying yes. You didn’t need to say yes. You could have opted for a more well-trodden holiday path. But, as we know: do what you’ve always done = get what you’ve always got. This way, sure, a small risk is in play. But the possibilities – in terms of new friendships, new experiences and even new romance – are endless….
