Disney Cruise Line has arrived Downunder and kids are obviously excited. What’s more surprising is that parents are reaping the benefits too, writes Anna Sarjeant
I’ll sum up a Disney cruise for you in three words. They are not my words, but those yelled at my husband and I, as well as 2700 other cruise passengers, as we slowly ebbed out of Auckland Harbour on Disney Wonder’s inaugural NZ voyage.
“You lucky bastarrrrrrds.”
Waving us off from the jetty, he may not have been the most eloquent man, but he wasn’t wrong either.
By the time we ditched our tugboats, the bloke had run out of land to elaborate. However, now that I’ve spent five brilliant days on board, I can understand why he considered us such ... blessed souls.
I’d like to begin, as any serious and sensible mother should, with the amenities. Because a holiday without some sort of resemblance to your child’s routine is a one-way ticket to hell.
My 20-month-old son, Max, isn’t overly familiar with Disney characters but upon being given a Mickey plush, dances around the cabin besotted. Such is the power of Disney. But let’s brush over his delirious happiness for a moment and focus on the cabin. Or more accurately, our Deck 7 Veranda Stateroom.
Somewhere in between my mid-30s and becoming a mother, I developed a passion for practicality - and boy does this stateroom deliver on practicalities. It’s plenty big enough for the three of us, with a spacious veranda and separate lounge area divided by a curtain (perfect when the little man is napping) and there’s also a separate toilet and bathroom complete with an actual bath. I’m a first-time cruiser so perhaps my low space expectations were based on cramped England-France ferry crossings, but there’s nothing pokey about this pad.
There are also cupboards and drawers galore, room under the bed for more clobber and the veranda has a secure, double lock well out of reach of little hands. You may think I’m boring – get to the Mickey bit already! – but I know every mother that reads “bath, storage and good for naps” is already nodding, perhaps drooling, in approval. By the time we pass Waiheke Island, my son has a toy and I have a peg line over the bathtub. It’s hard to say who’s happier.
We’re spending five days and four nights at sea with Captain Mickey and his crew of 1000. There are no port stops because with so much happening onboard, the ship is deemed better than any destination. The Disney Cruise app details every activity, from bingo and trivia quizzes to meet-and-greets with a princess: blink and you’ll miss at least five. This also includes your dining options. We’ve opted for the earlier, 5.45pm sitting and head to Tiana’s Place for dinner: the first of four, of which the same waitstaff will accompany us, no matter the venue.
What begins as a relatively sedate experience, complete with a live jazz band and a New Orleans backdrop from The Princess and the Frog, quickly turns into a rambunctious jamboree. There’s barely a forkful of shrimp and grits in my mouth when Tiana, now belting out a movie classic and children flocking around her dress - instigates a conga-like procession around the dining room.
By dessert, I’ve worked up a Louisiana sweat and Max is beelining towards the band for an encore. I look at the mini Etch a Sketch I brought to keep him “entertained” and laugh at my naivety. By the final night, when we dine at Animator’s Palate and literally draw the cartoons that appear on screens across the dining room, said Etch a Sketch is gathering dust under our bed.
After dinner, guests can catch a Disney stage show, pipped as Broadway quality and exclusive to the ship. By 8pm, Max is already asleep so I leave him with his father, promising to return midway so he can catch the second half. This doesn’t happen. I get wrapped up in a montage of nostalgic appearances from the likes of Toy Story and Quasimodo. When the curtain falls and I guiltily head back to the room, staff are helping a kid who’s just purged six months of excitement on the carpet. I’m not saying it was a cruise highlight, but there are only two things that cause children to vomit from deliriousness: Christmas Day and Disney. You can’t help but smile.
In the days that follow, Spiderman is seen shooting off the ship’s funnel, Tinkerbell dances across bookshelves and there are cameo appearances from A-listers like Lumière from Beauty and the Beast. I can confirm that the nightly shows are as good as any you’d see on Broadway in New York. Disney is also the only cruise ship to entertain guests with fireworks, which staff tell us are biodegradable – so you don’t have to worry about Aerial suffocating under the sea.
On our second day, the sun is shining so we’re keen to check out the swimming pools. Three in total on the top deck. Two are for families and the third is an adult’s only sanctum. My son races towards the kids’ splash zone, complete with dump buckets and a giant Donald Duck but he’s immediately stopped by a lifeguard – his nappy the cause of our halt. If your kid’s not toilet trained, they’re not going in.
We’re directed towards Dory’s Reef for toddlers and I wince; with the forbidden pool in full view, a tantrum is imminent. But, in Disney We Trust. Nobody knows kids’ mindset better than the company that’s been enthralling them for 100 years. The same lifeguard, a Disney veteran who’s worked on the same ship for decades, teaches Max how to kick, splash and drench his parents. Dory’s Reef is an instant hit.
Later that morning, we bump into Tiana but my son views poofy dresses with suspicion, so we party with Pluto instead. You’ve got to give it to the big dogs on a Disney cruise, they put in the hours (side note: we only saw Donald Duck once, but the original angry bird probably doesn’t pander to punters). Both Pluto and Goofy gallivant across the ship with unwavering energy. It’s 10am and Pluto is already dropping shapes to Baby Shark.
Disney marketers have always spun a yarn about “the magic of Disney” and I’ve only ever presumed it was astute sales talk, but after seeing my son transform from a timid leg-grabber to a gregarious dancer, with eyes as wide as his grin, I start to think the magic might not be spiel, but real.
As if to warrant my musings, we leave the disco and find Minnie Mouse tottering across the landing. I’m not saying I physically elbowed my son out of the way to get to her, but I’m not denying the allegation either. In that moment, I just forgot he was there, forgot I was a parent and remembered that I too was once a child with a Minnie Mouse plush. The adult in me knows it’s a grown person in a hot suit: my inner child wants to touch her big yellow shoes.
As a parent, you will understandably think you’ve booked a Disney cruise predominantly for your kids, but sometime around the two-day mark, you’ll realise the nostalgia is joyous. Warning to the wise – when this happens, avoid the gift shop at all costs, or you’ll leave with more mouse-shaped headbands than sense.
The other beauty of a Disney cruise is that every parent finds themselves (excuse the pun) in the same boat. When you no longer have to care if your child, simply being a child, is disturbing anyone else, you physically and mentally relax. Kids will be kids and on a Disney cruise ship, they’re encouraged to be silly and excitable.
Of course, for the days when you’ve wrestled your toddler into his nappy one too many times and chased his naked bottom starboard to a chorus of “Nudie rudie” from other parents, there’s always daycare. It’s A Small World Nursery takes tots as young as six months and after a quick check-in and more chants from fellow parents, but this time to the tune of “RUN!”, you can retreat to the adults-only area, complete with pool, bar, Jacuzzis, Cove cafe, gym and spa. There are also a series of kids’ clubs should you have older children, tweens and teens. Most of these are found on Deck 5 which we later find out, quite charmingly, is built with a much lower ceiling – barely an inch above my 6-foot husband’s head. The purpose? To make children feel bigger and more important.
Palo restaurant is your go-to for adults-only brunch and dinner. Out of the line’s five ships, Disney Wonder is one of two that was built in Italy and Palo (meaning pole in Italian) is a nod to Venice’s gondolier poles. We dine on lobster and salmon caviar, T-bone steak and rich pannacotta.
Now, I’ve never heard my husband refer to anything as exquisite before, but when our waitress removes his plate, these very words tumble out of his mouth.
In that moment, I look across the horizon, the sun hovering just above it, and I think about our stay with Mickey and the gang: our unbelievably happy son, the photoshoots and deck parties; the undeniable Disney magic and me, a frazzled wife and mother who - thanks to childcare and peg lines, and room attendants (read as angels) that silently make the beds and sweep away any carnage - is the most relaxed I’ve been in a long time.
I look back at my husband and remember the potty-mouthed fareweller from day one. He was right.
Disney Wonder returns to NZ and Australia from October 2024 through February 2025. For more information see disneycruise.disney.go.com
The trendy spot is just six minutes from the Waikiki beach.