Flying from Auckland to Melbourne with Qantas

Colin Mathura-Jeffree.

Celebrity traveller Colin Mathura-Jeffree flies from Auckland to Melbourne with Qantas... in Economy.

The plane: A Qantas Boeing 737-800. Pre-Australian cricket cheating scandal, I used to be booked on Qantas for about 80 per cent of my flights in my 90s fashion-model heyday ... looks like they haven't upgraded the planes since then.

Class: Normally — as a celebrity — I like to be so far forward on a plane. I'm practically sitting on the captain's knee. But for this last-minute jump, I'm in cattle class ... I don't mind as cows are holy in the motherland India, so I resign myself to an eat, pray, love moment.

Price: As a last minute decision I paid "fool" price.

Flight time: 4hr, 15m to Melbourne.

My seat: I hadn't requested a seat or pre-paid for a better seat. I rocked up to the counter and smiled with a slight flirtation, mixed with sympathy and got an exit row 14D. You have to be careful trying these tactics ... too much you end up first on the plane in a wheelchair, or worse — on Border Security with a hand up your bottom for acting suspiciously perverse or constipated.

Fellow passengers: It's 6am and everyone seems like they're in a great mood. I myself am a morning person so I'm happy to be surrounded by business people happy eager to get going! Some nice, well-fitted suits.

How full: The flight was almost full. I personally hate full flights, but I had an empty seat next to me ... I felt like apologising to everyone else in Economy that I had so much more space than them ... as I man-spread myself in all directions.

Entertainment: I plugged in my earphones and — bloody hell — it wasn't working! I was tapping the touch-screen so violently the passenger in front must've freaked. The QF crew attendant casually told me with a big smile I was plugged in the wrong place. She then bounced up the aisle and brought me back Business Class earphones. Thank you, Cara!

The service: The crew were so great. One asked me if I wanted bubbles as they were serving tea and coffee ... three dry, crisp Jacob's Creek sparklies later, I wondered why I was singled out ... I was going to ask but I couldn't walk in a straight line.

Food and drink: Breakfast was disgusting.

The toilets: Six people in Business — one toilet. One-hundred and sixty-five people and one celebrity in Economy — two toilets. You do the maths.

Luggage: No problems. Very fast. I'm always helpful to those who need a lift with a heavy suitcase.

The airport experience: Melbourne airport is efficient but not beautiful. It's beige.

The bottom line: I had to go to Melbourne for my friend Stephen's wedding and enjoy the boutique Lyall hotel experience. Qantas came out as the best choice for a late booking and besides the slop they call breakfast, it was a fun experience in the old bird. Also Lexus does airport valet parking, taking the hassle out of the journey.