Facebook page S**t Towns of Australia reveals 2022’s ‘worst’ towns

Ross River flowing through Townsville, which was rated the worst in Australia for 2022. Photo / Rabin Tuladhar

The Queensland city of Townsville has been crowned back-to-back as “S**t Town Of The Year”.

The town topped the list in this year’s poll run by satirical Facebook page S**t Towns of Australia, repeating its ‘win’ from last year.

The suburb received the most votes from the group’s 589,746 followers, with many blaming high levels of crime.

Around 30 per cent of the voters listed Townsville as the nation’s worst city, ahead of Sydney suburb Mount Druitt, which came second, Alice Springs and South Australia’s Port Pirie.

Some Townsville locals have been pleased with the ignominious award.

“I am happy for everyone to think its s**t here, then they won’t move her. Our little secret, hey Townsville,” one local said.

“Sweet back to back deserving win. Let’s make it a trifeca ,” another local wrote.

“I’m so overwhelmed! Emotional and near tears. I knew we could do it again,” a third local said

“Speaks volumes of the quality (and quantity) of shenanigans that goes on here…Well done one and all.”

“Good to see Townsville go back to back. They couldn’t win a thing when I lived there years ago. ,” a fourth wrote.

Not everyone agrees with S**t Towns of Australia’s verdict on Townsville.

Travel writer Bruce Elder called the suburb “a city of great charm and style”.

The journalist said part of the town’s appeal is that “it hasn’t been overwhelmed by tourism”.

Elder wrote that Townsville has “gracious buildings and old pubs give it a sense of sophistication” and excellent restaurants.

The S**t Towns of Australia website had this to say about Townsville:

“Townsville (or Towntown in English) was named after Robert Towns, a notorious slave trader who was well-known for the practice of ‘blackbirding’, which is Australian for abducting South Sea Islanders and forcing them to work on your sugar cane plantations.

In true s**t town fashion, Townsville honoured their namesake with a bronze statue for his services to racism.

“Townsville has been dubbed the unofficial capital of the ‘Tropical North’ complete with all the horror that entails – oppressive heat, nightmarish disease, and wildlife that devours wayward tourists. And that’s just Flinders Street on a Friday night,” the website reads.

“Also nicknamed ‘Brownsville’ due to its arid climate rather than the complexion of its residents, Townsville has an annual rainfall comparable to the dustier parts of the Sahara, aside from the handful of days when it’s pelted with the sort of Biblical monsoons that would get Noah’s a***hole twitching.

“Unlike its neighbour Cairns, Townsville has not been overwhelmed by tourism – for good reason. Aside from being a Kmart Cairns, Townsville is known as a hotbed of youth crime and car theft, which makes it an ideal place to stop if you want an insurance payout.,” the website states.

“Townsville is the only place in Australia where every high school has its own youth court, juvenile prison and parole office – the only reason they aren’t all packed is because no one goes to school.

“The city’s main tourist attraction is Reef HQ, the only living coral reef in captivity – in Townsville, even the reefs are in gaol.”