An Auckland cemetery has turned into a colourful, happy place, thanks to the Pasifika families who go there. Vaimoana Mase shares her story as she and visual journalist Corey Fleming make a summer evening visit.
Growing up, I never liked cemeteries.
It was not so much the death part that might scare most kids, or even adults. It was because it always felt sad, no matter whose grave we were visiting. And too quiet.
When my Dad died almost a year ago, in February, the cemetery suddenly became a second home to our family. Still bloody sad. But the cemetery had changed for me.
A part of me lay in the ground now. It was now more sacred knowing Dad was resting there too.
It is how this story was inspired in the first place.
Manukau Memorial Gardens cemetery in Papatoetoe, South Auckland, is no ordinary cemetery. Quiet – yes, sometimes. But many times, often at the weekend or on particularly nice evenings, you will find a queue of vehicles heading into the grounds for family time.
Yes, family time. The first time we went to the cemetery on a Saturday there were two large family gatherings nearby.
One had a tent up with everyone seated on fold-out chairs in front of their respective loved one’s headstone. They had food and music.
On the other side – a grassy section with no graves yet – a group of kids were playing a game of touch. It is not something you would expect to see at a cemetery – laughter, music, banter. Life.
At first, it felt somewhat disrespectful, but as the months went on, we started to get to know lots of those families and their stories. We became one of those families. turning up to Dad’s grave to play his favourite songs and sharing a meal.
It is normal at this cemetery and it is no doubt a reflection of the strong Pacific Island community in Auckland.
In Samoa, for example, many families bury their loved ones in front of their homes. The grave is tended to regularly as a result. Children play around it and family members often sit there for long periods of time.
Those who have passed are still a part of everyday life.
For the children of the late lay preacher Malopito Sefo Uelese, meeting together at their father’s grave is a must at least once a month and has become a tradition for almost five years.
On the day we see them, there is loud laughter coming from their group. The children are playing in the background as their parents catch up.
“It’s like a second home to us because our dad is here. We always come here and have a talk like we used to do. We love coming here,” Pearly Atoaga says.
“Before Dad passed away, we always went past and it’s like a scary place to us. But ever since he passed away, it’s become a second home.”
Her sister, Baby Evagelia, talks about the joy found in what is usually a sad place.
“Every Christmas, it’s very beautiful. Every time we come to our dad, we always wait here until it’s dark and all the lights come up. It’s so colourful. You can feel joy inside this place, with different families around.
“Even the [people] next to our dad, we just say this is our mama and this is our mama,” she says, pointing to the two headstones on either side of their father’s.
“Seeing all these families here, it’s all about love. You can feel love and happiness inside this area.”
The graves and headstones are often decorated with grand colourful gestures of love and celebration – flowers, large photo displays and flags from every Pacific nation.
Solar lights of all kinds are also used. Come sunset, the entire cemetery lights up in colourful ambience that always reminds me of the children’s Disney-Pixar movie Coco and its ode to Mexico’s Day of the Dead.
Anyone going past on the Southwestern Motorway at night can see the colourful blur as they drive past.
That is exactly what the children of the late Tupe and Fa’ai’u Tulia are doing when we meet them – decorating their parents’ graves with new solar lights and special decorations for Christmas.
Daughter Lena Tulia, 33, describes it as their “happy place” after a long and sometimes hard week. They lost their mother in 2023 and their father died last year.
“Everyone’s [grief] journey is different. For us, coming here actually brightens up our mood.
“We stay here until the lights come up. We love looking at all the decorations because some families go extra,” she laughs.
“It just feels like a happy place.”
The Nanai family – children, grandchildren and siblings of the late Lawrence Nanai – are tucking into a hearty KFC lunch when we meet them at the cemetery.
There are small tents set up for the little ones and music is blasting from a large speaker.
Sisters Shavonne and Lana Nanai say they are there to remember the fifth anniversary of their father’s death.
“I feel like [the cemetery] is a community. I feel like even though we’re coming here for the loss, it brings everybody together. I love seeing everybody together and the kids.”
Shavonne acknowledges the strong Pacific Island community in Auckland, specifically South Auckland, saying: “I 100% think it’s a culture thing. It’s beautiful.”
Auckland Council’s cemeteries operations manager Sheree Stout says Manukau Memorial Gardens is the busiest cemetery in Auckland, with more than 1500 burials each year.
She said the site is known among its staff as a place filled with celebrations and events, not just funerals.
“What really gets me... if I’m having a bad day and I pull in the gates, to see families celebrating maybe a birthday or something with their deceased.
“Balloons and kids running around playing, it really does lighten the heart,” Stout says.
“It’s not a sad place. It sounds strange – it is a cemetery and there are very sad stories in there, obviously.
“But the way the Pasifika community especially embrace it as somewhere for celebrating birthdays with their deceased – and all those kinds of celebrations – it’s full of joy, really.”
Vaimoana Mase is the Pasifika editor for the Herald’s Talanoa section, sharing stories from the Pacific community. She won junior reporter of the year at the then Qantas Media Awards in 2010 and won the best opinion writing award at the 2023 Voyager Media Awards.