Nick Kyrgios is the divisive tennis superstar who comes under fire arguably more than any other player on the planet, but the Aussie has opened up in a tell-all interview and detailed his struggles on and off the court.
A raise of the voice or a poor point being playedare all the ammunition his detractors need to state why he'll never win a Grand Slam or become the world number one.
But in the wild year that has been 2020, Kyrgios has gone from tennis' wild child to becoming a voice of reason.
Kyrgios has continued to call out his fellow stars over their outlandish and selfish behaviour as the world grappled with the coronavirus pandemic.
Most of his anger was directed towards world No. 1 Novak Djokovic who continued to admit any wrongdoing over his diabolic Adria Tour.
The event did not adhere to any social distancing guidelines as stars routinely mingled with each other, fans and sponsors. Djokovic and his wife, along with fellow pros like Grigor Dimitrov and Borna Coric, were among those to become infected.
Kyrgios calling out and putting the onus back on the stars of the game saw him earn widespread praise.
In a rare interview with Stellar Magazine, the Aussie star opened up on his own mental health battles.
Tennis can be a lonely sport and Kyrgios admitted he had moments over the past few years where he wanted to give it up.
"When I was struggling – and it wasn't just about tennis – there were moments when I was seriously depressed. I remember waking up in Shanghai one year and it was 4pm and I was still in bed, curtains closed. I didn't want to see the light of day," Kyrgios said.
"I didn't feel like I could trust anyone. It was a lonely, dark place.
"A lot of people were putting pressure on me, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I just lost joy for the game and I was spiralling out of control. I fell into depression because of the things I thought I had to be. I was afraid to go out and talk to people because I thought I'd let them down because I wasn't winning matches."
Kyrgios believes his public perception began to change in early 2020 when he pledged to donate $A200 ($NZ214) for every single ace he served over the month of January along with hosting the Rally for Relief, a night of tennis action that raised a staggering $A4.8m.
Nick Kyrgios in happier times. Photo / Photosport
"I didn't necessarily feel more welcome," Kyrgios said.
"It's more that the public in Australia were starting to understand what I was about, rather than just tennis."
Kyrgios, 25, opted to remain in Canberra throughout 2020 as his fellow rivals travelled to the US Open and Roland Garros.
Instead of jetting around the world and competing for tournament victories, Kyrgios turned his attention to helping those in need.
Countless Aussies lost their jobs due to the COVID-19 outbreak, leaving some in Canberra without a source of income for basic necessities, such as food and rent.
Enter Kyrgios, who made good on his social media promise and delivered boxes of groceries to hose in need around the streets of Canberra.
"I bought $8000 worth of groceries in one hit and [people] are looking and I'm going, 'It's not for me!'," he said.
"One that stands out was a pregnant woman.
"She couldn't leave her kids to go get groceries and she was really struggling, so I just dropped off a couple of boxes at her door. I didn't do that for any media. I just genuinely took time out of my day because I thought it was the right thing to do."
The long-time back in his childhood bedroom and living under the same roof as his mum and dad has allowed him to rekindle with his family after growing apart thanks to years on the tour.
"On tour there's a seven-month block when I don't get to see my family or be home, so I'm really taking advantage of everything going on at the moment," Kyrgios says.
"I don't think people understand how lonely tennis can be. You're out there on the court on your own. You can't really talk to anyone. You have to figure things out for yourself. I did struggle with that."
Being home, despite being "boring", has done wonders for the mercurial Aussie star who is hopeful of getting back on the big stage for the 2021 Australian Open.
"My days are so boring," he says.
"I wake up, I get a coffee, I pick up my girlfriend from work and I train."
