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Home / Sport

Super Bowl LVI: A Kiwi novice's guide to Los Angeles Rams-Cincinnati Bengals

Paul Catmur
By Paul Catmur
Columnist and host of Truth & Soul Podcast·NZ Herald·
13 Feb, 2022 07:00 AM5 mins to read

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The Rams will be playing in their house when they face the Bengals in the Super Bowl. Photo / Getty

The Rams will be playing in their house when they face the Bengals in the Super Bowl. Photo / Getty

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Paul Catmur breaks down what you need to know for the big game.

The Game

Why watch a game we don't even play?

While the rules of American Football may take some getting used to (i.e. they're daft), the overall experience is great. Sit back and revel in the ridiculous athleticism, the monstrous hits, and the great show of American excess.

How do we watch it?

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Sky TV and Spark Sport will be showing the ESPN feed without the US ads. The ads are part of the show, so if you're after the full experience think about stumping up for NFL Game Pass. The game starts at 12.30pm and lasts around a fortnight (actually four hours).

Why does a one-hour game last for so long?

There are lots of breaks, partly to allow the teams to swap players in and out, but mainly to make time to show all the TV ads.

Where are they playing?

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This year's game takes place in the newly-built SoFi stadium in Los Angeles, coincidentally the home of the Los Angeles Rams, one of the finalists. Just over 70,000 (vaxxed or tested) fans will cram in alongside a heavy sprinkling of celebs. Around 117 million Americans are forecast to watch the game on TV, which would surpass the most-watched Super Bowl, 2015's New England Patriots v Seattle Seahawks, which had 114 million viewers. Many millions more will watch around the world.

Who should I support?

The Los Angeles Rams:

The Rams have so many star players they are nicknamed 'Hollywood'. Studs include quarterback Matt Stafford, wide receiver Cooper Kupp, and menacing defenders Aaron Donald, Jalen Ramsey, and Von Miller. Not surprisingly, the Rams are favourites.

The Cincinnati Bengals:

The underdog Bengals are one of the lesser-known franchises and a bit of a Cinderella team. On the plus side they have charismatic young quarterback Joe Burrow who appears totally unflappable and has incredible swagger for a guy in his second season. Another to watch is rookie wide receiver Ja'Marr Chase who broke a number of records this year. Most neutrals will be hoping for a Bengals win.

The Rules

Rugby's my game, how on Earth can I follow all the rules?

The best way to understand the game is to sit with someone who follows it and ask them whenever you get a bit lost. If they're a real fan, they'll be happy to share.

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What's a particularly daft rule?

Although it's called a 'touchdown' the ball doesn't actually have to be touched down on the ground, it just has to 'break the plane' of the end zone. This rule is designed specifically to confuse Kiwis.

Field goals are kicked when the attacking team is getting close to the goalposts but struggling to get a touchdown. Kind of like English rugby.

What's with the yellow flags?

The refs throw a small yellow flag to signify a penalty and the guilty team is moved further from their target end zone.

What exactly does a quarterback do?

The quarterback dominates the field like a combination of halfback, first five-eighth, captain, and cheerleader, but he doesn't do any kicking. The QB's helmet contains a headphone allowing the coach to pass last-minute instructions.

So, who does the kicking?

Teams have two kickers - a punter for positional kicks, and a kicker who kicks field goals and extra points. Evan McPherson, the rookie Cincinnati kicker, has a cult following for his incredible confidence in clutch situations.

Why are there so many players?

Each team has 53 active players, and they swap out a different set of 11 for their defence and their offence, depending on who has the ball. There are also the 'special teams' that come on when a kick is being made. It sounds a bit unnecessary, but it keeps a lot of people in jobs.

What's with all the protective gear?

The players wear pads and helmets to prevent injuries. Unfortunately, this leads to players feeling so well protected that they use their helmeted heads as missiles. Unsurprisingly, most careers are short.

If they're such great athletes why are some of them rather podgy?

The job of the big guys is to protect their own smaller guys from the other team's big guys. Being a really big guy helps in this situation.

The Extras

What's with the Super Bowl ads?

US advertisers go all out to showcase their cleverness with funny, heart-warming ads made specifically for the Super Bowl. Many people think they are the best part of the day.

Should I get a beer at halftime?

The halftime show crams as many dancers, explosions and camera moves as possible into 12 minutes of bedlam. This year it features 90s rap with Eminem, Mary J Blige, Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg and Kendrick Lamar. Definitely worth a watch, so be quick with your beer run.

Where's Tom Brady, I've heard of him?

Tom Brady, generally acknowledged as the true GOAT, has played in 10 Super Bowls but recently retired after his team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, were knocked out. A number of long-standing quarterbacks have recently left the game allowing for an exciting new generation, including the likes of Burrow, to come through.

Are there any Kiwis playing?

Sadly not, but a few have played over the years, most notably Riki Ellison who won three Super Bowls with the San Francisco 49ers in the 1980s. It's a tough game and unless you were born into it, it's hard to get a start.

Why are there no rucks?

The game is closer to league in that the play is stopped whenever the ball carrier hits the ground, or his forward progress is stopped.

Why do they call the winners 'World Champions'?

We all know that Americans exaggerate. Nobody is denying that the winners are very good, but no other country competes, so calling the winners World Champions is rather misleading. At least in NBA and hockey they let the Canadians play.

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