48 hours: 'Ha' blows cobwebs and Wallabies away

The All Blacks blew more than a few cobwebs out of the system in Christchurch on Saturday night.

The futures of Wallabies both illustrious and new were left hanging by a thread at Jade Stadium, including that of their rough-diamond coach John Connolly.

But first, the All Blacks.

As one of the very few who doubt the wisdom of installing Richie McCaw as All Black captain, primarily because openside flanker is an impossibly tough position to lead a side from and captaincy will distract our greatest player, it must be admitted here that Saturday night may be the moment the brilliant Cantabrian truly took on the mantle of front man. This looked very much like McCaw's All Blacks and a good look it was too. McCaw was magnificent, although sterner captaincy tests lie ahead.

The All Blacks' dismantling of Australia was based around a forward performance as heartening, if not quite as devastating, as the pulverising of the more highly rated French pack at the end of 2004.

The praise could be liberally sprinkled around as the All Blacks won going away. Graham Henry was well within his rights to claim that the margin might have been bigger.

To pick out a few stars however ...

* Keven Mealamu was a re-invigorated figure compared with his Super 14 performances. Dazzling, sensational ... which must raise the issue within the Blues as to the wisdom of retaining him as captain.

* The Jason Eaton/Ali Williams double act partnering Chris Jack gave the All Blacks a terrific locking combination which promises much, even if it didn't totally deliver.

* Has an All Black front row ever had such a field day against their Australian opposites? The Carl Hayman/Tony Woodcock scrum show may come to be seen as one of the greatest in test history.

What of the Wallabies? The Australian front row is so down and out that even the Sally Army would have trouble saving them. In fact, the Aussie front rowers bring another Sally to mind - Sally Robbins, until now the most famous Australian rower to take the whole eight down.

This is not to suggest that Guy Shepherdson and his mates will be getting a slap from any of their team-mates at future official functions. It would be far too great a risk - it's not a good look watching grown men in rented suits crumple to their knees. But there must be a fair few Wallabies who secretly wish they could, figuratively, dunk their front row in the drink with concrete gumboots attached. What a shambles.

Behind a pack like that, Stephen Larkham may start to wonder if it's time to pack it in.

In his prime, I would rate Larkham among the greatest and most magical of footballers in the rugby codes, approaching Wally Lewis status. But he was lethargic and predictable on Saturday night. As for Connolly, his new regime has been dealt a confidence shattering blow at the first big hurdle.

Connolly wasn't installed because of his belief in flat or deep backlines, running lines, lineouts or press conference lines. He got the job by default, with an attachment that stated he might just be able to put steel back into the Australian forwards.

Instead of playing an ace, Connolly's pack folded.

Jade Stadium was a big strike one against Connolly. The Springbok forwards, with the scent of blood in the air, will be favoured to deliver strike two in Brisbane.

* The perfect antidote to test excitement is the post-match press conference which is broadcast live, although a Hubble Telescope would have trouble actually finding any life most of the time.

For those of you who missed Saturday night's "presser", by far the most interesting exchange came between All Black assistant coach Steve Hansen and an unidentified questioner, a woman wearing a red hat.

I'm assuming she was a newcomer, because the veteran media characters were given TV tag lines and were all called Jim.

Red Hat asked the panel, consisting of the three All Black coaches plus captain Richie McCaw and lock Chris Jack, about problems involving kick-off receptions.

Well, you would have thought she'd called Colin Meads a handbag.

Hansen immediately flayed the media for always being negative, and with disdain launched a defence of his aerial battery.

Much was made after this incident of the fact that it was just the third question of the evening, that Red Hat had got her timing dreadfully wrong.

The thing this column would like to point out to the All Blacks is that the media is undergoing a rebuilding phase, that we're trying out a big squad in preparation for the 2011 World Cup.

For sure, an experienced hack would have known the margin of victory determines the tone and order of questions.

There are actually a host of unwritten press conference rules, which include they must end with an excruciatingly awkward silence broken by the team media person resuming control of his/her domain by asking the media if they've asked enough.

The panel, brimming with enthusiasm and just dying to answer a load more questions, are at this point left disappointed by another awkward silence and led solemnly away.

But rule number one, in the interest of deference, is this. Each winning point is worth about one appropriate question, so that anything that suggested the All Blacks were less than perfect on Saturday night should have appeared at about question 20.

Then again, you've got to love the enthusiasm newcomers bring to the media squad. They may leap in feet first and ask inappropriately timed question but who knows, the veterans may not have even asked this question at all. It did give the All Blacks a chance to let the public know they think the media are negative trash-talkers.

Which means that inadvertently, Red Hat asked the most interesting question of the night and got her timing spot on.

And to the grumpy All Blacks I'd say this - we the media are not even totally averse to being led astray by you.

For example, as soon as Graham Henry mentioned, mentioned, mentioned that Jack had played his 50th test and this was cause for celebration/idolatry, one of our number immediately launched in with the incisive question: "Well Chris, what was it like playing your 50th test."

At which Jack looked slightly embarrassed. He wasn't alone.

* Speaking of timing, a lengthy New Zealand Rugby Union email about the All Black haka turned up two minutes after Saturday night's kickoff. Among other things, it attempts to dispel the ridiculous notion that the controversially violent version hauled out by the All Blacks at Jade Stadium finishes with a throat-cutting gesture.

"The words and motions represent drawing vital energy into the heart and lungs. The right arm searches for the Ha on the left side of the body while the head turns to the right also symbolically seeking vital energy. The right hand hauls that energy into the pou-whakaora (the heart, lungs and air passages), then the eyes and tongue signal that the energy has been harnessed before it is expelled with the final Ha."

"Ha" (and why weren't we told this sooner).