Paul Thomas: Footy's boozy soap opera

Even before a ball or opponent was kicked in anger, rugby was back in the headlines. "Bingegate", the latest instalment in the oval ball soap opera, involves two of the more arresting characters our national sport has thrown up in recent years.

In the "mine's a diet ginger ale" corner is the squat figure of Andrew "Colonel Cuddles" Martin, former Wanganui front rower, commanding officer of the SAS and All Black manager.

In the "48 pints please, love, and pull your finger out" corner is gibberish-spouting skinhead John Mitchell, the former All Black coach who is keen to take charge of the new Perth-based team that will next year join the expanded Super 14.

Earlier this month Martin told the Sport and Alcohol conference in Palmerston North that Mitchell had reintroduced a booze culture to the All Blacks.

To blow a little toot on my own trumpet, his speech was essentially a rehash of comments first aired in my book A Whole New Ball Game published in 2003.

Mitchell took time out from laying his unusual brand of charm on the Australian media to dismiss the allegations and claim that Martin was engaged in a spiteful bid to scuttle his chances of getting the Perth job.

Reuben Thorne, Mitchell's All Black captain, and veteran halfback Justin Marshall also rubbished Martin's claims - the familiar parental dilemma: two wildly contradictory stories, only one of which can be true.

In the course of my research, I spoke to a number of well-known rugby people. Almost to a man, they told hair-raising tales, off-the-record but unsolicited, about goings-on inside the All Black camp. I came away with the clear impression that the roistering wasn't taking place behind Mitchell's back and was an open secret in rugby circles.

Martin, who has lately been tipped out of his position with the All Blacks, was prepared to go on the record, as was the All Black team doctor, John Mayhew, who confirmed pretty much everything Martin had said.

In his counterattack, Mitchell made no bones about his part in Martin's dumping: "I didn't think that Army training and leadership were conducive to our environment and I made that decision as leader of the All Blacks."

Only he wasn't. Martin was the leader of the All Blacks; Mitchell reported to Martin, not the other way around. In other words, Mitchell sacked his boss.

There must be people in every workplace in the country who would love to know how you do that. I'm afraid that what works for the All Black coach won't necessarily work for them.

Mitchell had timing on his side. The matter came to a head less than two years out from the World Cup and only a matter of months after Wayne Smith had made his confused and confusing exit. The fact of the matter is that it is far easier to replace a manager than a coach, just as it is easier to replace a coach than a team.

Post-Mitchell, the New Zealand Rugby Union reverted to the previous arrangement. Graham Henry reports to All Black manager Darren Shand, a man 20-odd years his junior whose CV reads: New Zealand under 23 hockey representative; marketing manager for A.J. Hackett Bungy Jumping; manager of the Crusaders.

I don't know about you but I suspect the reality is somewhat different.

The irony here is that getting rid of Martin was, I believe, Mitchell's fatal mistake. Yes, it gave him total control but as I wrote in this newspaper just before the All Blacks crashed out of the World Cup: "That comes at a price - total accountability - and Mitchell doesn't seem to have built much of a political support base for a rainy day."

Mitchell was 38. He had gone from being a player to a player/coach to a coach. He'd had no life and little experience of the world outside rugby.

In Beyond the Boundary, his famous book on West Indian cricket, the Trinidadian writer C.L.R James asked: "What do they know of cricket who only cricket know?"

We worry about our rugby players lacking balance and perspective because they don't get exposed to real life. Administrators should think carefully before they put obsessive and unworldly people in total charge of these one-dimensional young men.

Having said that, I wish Mitchell well with the Perth job. He's clearly a talented coach and too ambitious not to have learned from whatever mistakes he's made. Furthermore, its unrealistic to expect a comparatively young coach who has been successful at international level to plug away in a soon-to-be-downgraded domestic competition.

But if he wants a bit of free advice from someone who has done some hard if not bone-jarring yards in public relations in his time, it would be to resist the temptation to paint himself lily-white.

Many of us would do things a bit differently if we had our time over again. Mitchell shouldn't be afraid to say just that.

* Paul Thomas is a Wellington author.