Vatuvei opens up about personal struggles

Rugby League star Manu Vatuvei who is fronting a new depression awareness campaign called Unstoppable. Photograph by Doug Sherring.

Manu Vatuvei has a new mission. The Warriors winger, as he starts to consider life after league, is putting his name to a new charity foundation focused on combating youth suicide, depression and alcohol and drug abuse, among other causes.

It's a personal crusade for Vatuvei. He lost a good friend to suicide last year and has also battled his own mental demons. The name of the charity - I Am Unstoppable - is appropriate. For years, Vatuvei was seen as an indestructible force on the league field - 110kg of muscle and power - but behind the scenes struggled to deal with aspects of life as an NRL player, particularly the unrelenting media focus. It means he can relate to personal struggles, even if not on the same public scale.

"It can be really scary for people," said Vatuvei. "I know people don't want to seek help sometimes. They want to do things by themselves. I remember I tried to sort things out by myself and that never went anywhere until I sought help. But now I feel better and everything is going well."

Vatuvei burst on to the scene in 2005 as an 18-year-old and was soon established in the Kiwis and Warriors, scoring 19 tries in the next two NRL seasons.

But a fateful night at Parramatta in 2007 would affect him for years. In a match televised across Australia and New Zealand, the Warriors lost 30-6 to the Eels but the main focus became Vatuvei and several crucial handling errors he made that night.

"One of my hardest times was when I was being criticised for dropping the ball," he said. "I acted like I was happy and it didn't harm me but it really took a toll on me." The issue was brought up regularly during the next few years and Vatuvei says it took a long time to move on.

"It took me two or three years to get over it, to be honest. There were times I had tears inside me but I just tried to stay strong, stay strong for my family. However, behind closed doors, I was a different person and it was tough. I remember at the time, someone made a joke about dropping my baby that hurt me big time. Those kind of things hurt me a lot. It was a really hard time."

The experience has made Vatuvei stronger - and he has maintained high standards over a long period - but he never forgets the dark days.

"People still talk about it sometimes, though it doesn't hurt me as much as it did then," said Vatuvei. "When people used to make jokes about it, I would laugh but really it hurt me a lot. Now I don't mind if people give it to me. But they just have to keep my family out of it."

Vatuvei's frankness is unusual for a sportsman but typical of the 29-year-old, who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve. He'll be the face of the foundation, which will give talks and offer counselling across schools in Auckland and Northland, and hopes his profile can help.

"I don't have any qualifications but I can show there is another path and that there are people out there who can help and support them and they are not in this alone. I hope we can help and change lives, even if it is just one or two lives. Then if they can help others and hopefully the ripple will keep going and going and save more."

Vatuvei was affected by suicide last year, when a good friend took her life.

"I'm not sure if it was from depression but she was a really kind person and a cop too," said Vatuvei. "I never thought it would come to that point. When she was with us, she was normal and acted like nothing was wrong. It was a shock to all of us."

The foundation was an initiative of Vatuvei's manager, former Kiwis prop Peter Brown, and business partner Paul Davys. They aim to seek government support in the future but it will initially be funded from proceeds from their ChoiceKids childcare business. Vatuvei's principal focus, for now, is still on the field and he's targeting a comeback at next year's Auckland Nines, after injury curtailed his 2015 season.

"This injury was one of the worst in terms of the timing," said Vatuvei. "I felt really down about it and wasn't ready for my season to be over. I wanted to hold off my surgery but the coaching staff kept pushing me to get it done. In the end, it was good, as they found some stuff the scan did not show. Now I'm good."