NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Sport

Paul Lewis: Time for a reset - the All Blacks ship has sailed onto rocks

Paul Lewis
By Paul Lewis
Contributing Sports Writer·NZ Herald·
7 Aug, 2022 04:00 AM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

All Blacks coach Ian Foster and captain Sam Cane address the media following the All Blacks loss to the Springboks. Photo / Photosport

All Blacks coach Ian Foster and captain Sam Cane address the media following the All Blacks loss to the Springboks. Photo / Photosport

OPINION

Maybe we can get the feng shui consultants in for the All Blacks now. Like the guys who turned Bristol Rovers around a few years back. Unless changes are made, it may be all that's left to us.

It's one of my favourite stories in all sport – Rovers, a club struggling in the fourth tier of English football, were so perplexed about their lack of success they decided to try something different: feng shui.

The ancient Chinese art of aligning buildings, rooms, furniture and other key elements with light, colour, sound with natural energy is a big deal, particularly in Asia where feng shui is often regarded not only as fostering a more enjoyable life but vital in business. I know of one hotel with big Asian custom which spent well over $1m revamping the lobby after being told its feng shui was a bit stink.

Struggling Rovers were on a big losing streak, like the All Blacks, so they hired two feng shui consultants, Guy de Beaujeu and Patrick Stockhausen. The changes came thick and fast. They put a statue of a three-legged frog above the turnstiles, bamboo plants in the corner of the dressing rooms and a fish bowl, complete with live goldfish, behind Bristol's goal.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

In changing the "spiritual balance" of the stadium, their coup de grace was re-arranging the seating in the directors' box and hospitality suite - putting it all on a 45-degree angle to the pitch so that VIP spectators had to twist their necks to watch the football.

The three-legged frog was a bit of a giveaway, as was the European names of the experts. The consultancy was a con; the two men were from a TV show specialising in pranks and, to this day, I enjoy the mental picture of the club's directors watching their team on a 45-degree angle.

Dejected All Blacks captain Sam Cane after losing to South Africa at Mbombela Stadium. Photo / Photosport
Dejected All Blacks captain Sam Cane after losing to South Africa at Mbombela Stadium. Photo / Photosport

But wait, there's more – the pranksters actually had an unintended effect. One of the club's spokespeople said after being exposed: "Well, they must have known more than they thought because, since then, we haven't stopped winning."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

There comes a time, in any organisation, when new thinking is required. It's a law of nature. The All Blacks are there now. We all knew what the result would be against the Boks. We all know it's not just down to the head coach – they were out-selected, out-thought, outplayed and committed too many errors. It's time for a reset, a new captain, new personnel and people played in the right positions.

There is a body of thought that new players – including some of those in the squad but largely untried – may not be of the quality to oust some senior players. But, as this column has repeatedly asked, how would anyone know if they weren't given more game time to find out?

Discover more

Sport|rugby

All time low: All Blacks plummet down world rankings

07 Aug 12:44 AM
All Blacks

'They were just too good': Aaron Smith reflects on ABs failings

06 Aug 11:04 PM
All Blacks

'A team in disarray, tactically clueless': How world media reacted to ABs loss

06 Aug 07:21 PM
All Blacks

'Best performance of year': ABs coach's stunning claim after horror loss

06 Aug 05:41 PM

The time to try the new boys out was on last year's northern tour and the three-test series against Ireland – but those ships have sailed. Onto rocks.

That conservative thinking was exemplified with Codie Taylor – a terrific All Blacks hooker but clearly off his game – finally being dropped for Samisoni Taukei'aho when it was obvious to most the wrong man was starting against Ireland.

Speaking of rocks, NZR are now between one of those and a hard place. Axing Ian Foster will be an admission they got it wrong. It will also present whoever takes over with an imposing task – the World Cup in France with little time to fix things.

So, let's put them to work for the All Blacks. Here is a list of feng shui-like things we could do if NZR do not take more obvious measures like – oh, I don't know – changing the coach:

• The goldfish bowl placed behind the All Blacks' dead ball line is a great idea – but using a live goldfish could draw the ire of the animal rights people, so let's use a motorised Baby Shark toy instead (but turn off the song).

• Instead of pies, fish and chips, beer and wine at the concessionaires, this new regime will herald an era of healthy feng shui eating – steamed rice, mung bean shoots and thimbles of sake (plastic thimbles, we don't want any injuries from flying glass).

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

• On the bus and pre-match, the All Blacks would only be allowed to listen to Chinese opera on their headphones. The changing room showerheads would be pointed towards the ceiling instead of the floor and an abacus placed in every All Black's locker.

• However, most importantly, the feng shui of the entire NZR HQ in Wellington would have to be addressed. Right now, they have a nice view of the pleasing contours of the Wellington Cathedral of St Paul. The whole NZR building needs to be rotated 180 degrees so they are looking at the back of the Department of Internal Affairs instead – so they can think about what they've done.

Or … they could employ new thinking.

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Sport

All BlacksUpdated

'I blacked out for a little bit': Meet the five new All Blacks

23 Jun 12:58 AM
live
All Blacks

Robertson names five new All Blacks for first squad of 2025

23 Jun 12:51 AM
Golf

Kiwi Alker pipped of major championship in playoff

22 Jun 11:59 PM

Help for those helping hardest-hit

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Sport

'I blacked out for a little bit': Meet the five new All Blacks

'I blacked out for a little bit': Meet the five new All Blacks

23 Jun 12:58 AM

All you need to know about the five new faces in the All Blacks squad to face France.

Robertson names five new All Blacks for first squad of 2025
live

Robertson names five new All Blacks for first squad of 2025

23 Jun 12:51 AM
Kiwi Alker pipped of major championship in playoff

Kiwi Alker pipped of major championship in playoff

22 Jun 11:59 PM
We took a superfan to an interview with UFC fighter Kai Kara-France

We took a superfan to an interview with UFC fighter Kai Kara-France

How a Timaru mum of three budding chefs stretched her grocery shop
sponsored

How a Timaru mum of three budding chefs stretched her grocery shop

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP
search by queryly Advanced Search