Olympics - Off the track: 'Evil' media and pool peeing

What are you up to Boris? Photo / AP

The London Olympics will be remembered as much for what happens off the track as on it. nzherald.co.nz reporter - and most improved player for his Greenhithe Cricket Club team when he was 10 - Paul Harper sums up the incidents and controversy surrounding the games.

North Koreans slam evil-minded foreign media
While the Australian and British media have not been entirely complimentary of their country's medal hauls so far, the North Korean media has heaped praise on the exploits of its athletes.

According to state media, the news that the country had claimed two gold and one bronze in the opening two days of competition "delighted the local people".

Kim Chon Sok, a department director of the Ministry of Posts and Telecommunications, told the Korean Central News Agency that "all my family burst out into cheers when hearing the news about Olympiad".

"Some evil-minded foreign media asserted that the DPRK would take only one silver medal, but our sportspersons refuted such assertion with good results. The hostile forces had better try hard to get a correct understanding of the DPRK."

In another story, Yu Jung Ryol, an employee at the Nampho City Power Distribution Station told KCNA:

"I was told that DPRK weightlifter Om Yun Chol said his success is ascribable to the spirit instilled by leader Kim Jong Il."

KCNA said his remark "represents what all of local people want to say".

"I will devote myself to building a thriving nation, true to the leadership of respected Marshal Kim Jong Un, as the gold medallists did for the country," he was reported as saying.

North Korea currently sit on four gold medals, two fewer than their southern rivals South Korea.

When nature calls
Just like you and me, Olympic swimmers pee in the pool. That's according to former USA Swimming National Team member Carly Geehr, who has revealed that "nearly 100 percent of elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool".

"Regularly. Some deny it, some proudly embrace it, but everyone does," she wrote on Q and A website Quora.

She says the only time to wee while in a race would be during a "breaststroke pull-out". Peeing before the race "depends on the meet and to some extent the colour of the pool deck".

Geehr says there's "just no way" underwater cameras would catch a swimmer relieving themself.

"The only way you can really tell if someone's peeing in the pool is if they announce it to you or they're really dehydrated/sitting in one spot while they go. It diffuses pretty quickly, and if you're moving, it diffuses even faster."

Danny Boyle's "satanic" extravaganza
Some critics of the Danny Boyle-directed Opening Ceremony say it was full of "leftie multi-cultural crap". Others claim says it was a "a mass satanic ritual disguised as a celebration of Britain and sport".

Conspiracy theorist David Icke says: "The Olympic Stadium is strategically placed on the earth-energy grid to tap into the immense London and British power centres and this is why Glastonbury Tor, one of the most significant earth-vortex points in the UK, is a centrepiece of the opening ceremony. The microcosm (the model of Glastonbury Tor in the Olympic stadium) draws in the energy from its macrocosm. It is an expression of the holographic principle of 'as above, so below'. This is how symbolism works."

Prior to the ceremony, Icke urged his followers to "focus heart-energy ... to dilute the power of this energy".

To be fair, he's probably got a point.

Barmy Boris the mayoral mascot
Why did the London Olympic organising committee create the mascots Wenlock and Mandeville, when they have a perfectly good Games mascot in Mayor Boris Johnson? For his latest publicity stunt, the eccentric mayor shot down a zip wire, dressed in a suit and holding two Union Jack flags, waving them like a mad man. However he got stuck when the zip line stopped mid-flight.

"Can you get me a rope? Get me a rope, okay?" Johnson can be heard saying, to the amusement of the crowd.

See the clip here

While the mayor has been enjoying himself, his critics have come out swinging, saying the promised boost from the Olympics has failed to materialise.

Peter Forrest, a street performer in Covent Garden, says he is having "the worst two weeks ever for business".

"It's because of Boris," he told AP "Boris told everybody not to come."

"That BEAM's a BEEYOTCH!! Les' get ta TUMBLIN'!"
Despairing at the state of US Olympics broadcaster NBC's coverage, Americans are turning to actor Samuel L Jackson for commentary. The Snakes on a Plane star has found an appreciative audience for his thoughts on the sports on Twitter.

After America beat the Russians in the gymnastics to win gold he wrote:

"Can't imagine what kinda F**kin' up musta been goin' on for Russia to win Silver! Gotta be Ass Busting' worthy of our amusement!!

Other top gymnastics analysis included:

"Okay, that was Drunk Lady Staggering Flip dismount! Made famous by many girls missing the top step in da club!"

Although his tweets make no sense to me, some of his 1.1 million followers are calling for NBC to bring him on board as an official commentator. He couldn't be worse than Ryan Seacrest, surely.

Alarming tactics and out of this world bets
Finally, here's couple of updates on yesterday's Off the Track.

Yesterday we reported the OlyWhites' preparation for their must win clash against Brazil (they went on to lose 3-0) was hampered by a rogue fire alarm going off the night before. A reader has informed me the same thing happened to their female counterparts, the Football Ferns, the night before their clash against Brazil, which they lost 1-0. "Fire evacuation at our hotel the night before the game.. Yeh good joke," defender Amy Erceg wrote on Twitter the night before the match. She later tweeted the alarm was set off by a security guard flicking a switch. Coincidence? I'll let you be the judge.

Meanwhile Bookmaker William Hill have responded to nzherald.co.nz's inquiries regarding bets made on whether a UFO would appear above the stadium during the Opening Ceremony.

A spokesperson confirmed there were some takers for the 1000-1 odds given for the extraordinary occurrence, however the betting agency will not be paying out despite a video appearing showing an alleged flying saucer.

"As yet no official confirmation that a genuine UFO appeared over the Stadium has been forthcoming from David Cameron's office," he said.