We Need to Talk with Martin Devlin
The jokes began before the final ball was bowled.
As inevitable as the champagne celebration that followed, the cynical and mischievous among us were already questioning the validity of the Black Caps' remarkable, heroic and unlikely victory in that first test against Pakistan.
This from an Aussie mate who, admittedly still a tad raw after Steve Smith's sandpapering scandal, was just waiting for the chance to fire a rocket back: "Almost feels like a genuine victory when the Pakistanis collapse like that."
Puh-leeze. If you honestly believe there was untoward gambling involved then you're also one of those brainwashed into believing the tosh broadcast in that recent Al Jazeera doco.
Remember that ground-breaking exposé into decades worth of match-fixing? New Zealand's last great escape to victory (Australia in Hobart) included among a raft of matches said to have been manipulated by match-fixers.
Of course they have no actual evidence. Their only "credible" witness being a self-confessed crook working for a murderous Asian mafia syndicate.
How they continue to get away with publicly smearing those matches and players, with insinuating the results were fixed without having to provide clear and positive proof is beyond me.
They call it seriously investigating; we all know it's nothing but shameless click-baiting.
Of course Monday's match was legitimate.
You only had to glance the panicked TV pictures of Pakistan's players and management to appreciate the pressure they were feeling.
It was an incredible finish full of the tension and drama that only test cricket can provide. As equally excruciating as it was awe-inspiring.
The very finest of margins in a match where celebration and commiseration were divided by the width of a single wicket.
Perhaps it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but it does!
Cricket should be celebrating one of its most enthralling matches all year.
NZ Cricket should be celebrating one of the most dramatic moments in our team's history.
But there's always those silly jokes. Speculation fuelled by sensationalist self-promotion masquerading as investigative journalism.
So thanks Al Jazeera. Thanks for continuing to spoil the sport by peddling this rubbish.
Fact: The only thing dodgy about that test was both sides' batting.
If anything about that match needs fixing it's that.