By James Matthey of News.com
Everyone knows the crippling shame of being friendzoned. Everyone.
If you don't you're either a liar or ... no, there's no other alternative, you're just a liar. We're betting even Keira Knightley has been put in the friendzone at least once and she is a saint.
Being friendzoned is essentially the reason ice cream comes in bucket form rather than just a simple one or two-scoop scone.
My boss didn't understand this (attempted, probably poorly executed) gag when he read it, so clearly he's never been depressed enough to chow down on an entire tub of cookies and cream. Otherwise he'd know one or two scoops simply isn't enough to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and shattered ego.
Drinking heavily works too, but eating ice cream is less likely to see you grab your phone and text "Jess" about what she's missing while simultaneously misspelling every second word and forgetting to use full stops.
After all, every girl wants a guy with good grammar, right?
In addition to that, being rich also comes in handy. It's why we all expected pro golfer Aaron Wise to feel the love when he outplayed Australia's Marc Leishman to win the Byron Nelson tournament in Texas and become the youngest US PGA Tour winner in more than a year.
The 21-year-old Wise and world No. 16 Leishman shared the overnight lead and played together in the final group after a four-hour rain delay. But Wise, in only his 26th start on the tour, shot a bogey-free closing six-under 65 to finish at 23-under and win by three shots from Leishman, who carded a 68 in the benign conditions.
Cue hugs and kisses all around for Wise. Actually, just hugs.
After wrapping up his $AUD1.8 million winner's cheque, a blonde haired woman ran over to congratulate him. The pair embraced but as the freshly minted winner went in for a kiss, she made a face and pulled back.
In a win for Average Joes everywhere, even a newly made millionaire has trouble with the ladies. At least that's what it looked like.
But the strange thing about this downright awkward friendzoning was the woman in question was actually Wise's girlfriend Reagan Trussell.
Forget the Bermuda Triangle, why Trussell rejected her man after the biggest moment of his career is the real mystery of our time.
Wise became the second youngest man to win the Byron Nelson behind Tiger Woods and improved on his runner-up finish in his previous start at the Wells Fargo Championship.
He grabbed the lead outright as he charged through the front nine in five under par, carding five birdies in six holes from the par-4 fourth. Wise took his advantage out to three strokes with another birdie at the 10th then made pars over the remaining eight holes.
"I felt oddly calm all day long and to pull that off and play as good as I did, bogey free, was awesome," Wise said.
"I felt like when it rained today I was really going to tear the course up just because it allowed me to hit driver, which is my strength.
"I got a lot of short irons in my hand and was able to make a lot birdies."
Leishman finished one shot clear of the fast-finishing trio of Zimbabwe's Brandon Grace (62) and Americans J.J Spaun (63) and Keith Mitchell (63), who tied third.
A bogey-free 65 from Aussie Adam Scott lifted him to a tie for ninth at 15-under, his first top-10 result in almost a year, as he benefited from his recent switch back to a long-handled putter.
However, it was not quite enough to achieve his goal of a climbing into the world's top 60 to secure a start in next month's US Open and extend his run of 67 consecutive majors played.
Scott is projected to rise from World No. 65 to No. 61 but has one more cut off date to be in the top 60 before next month's major at Shinnecock Hills, otherwise he'll face qualifying.
His fellow Australian Matt Jones played in the final group but faded with an even-par 71 to be tied 13th at 13 under.
Geoff Ogilvy (69) was tied 32nd, Cameron Percy (70) and Rod Pampling (70) tied for 70th while Robert Allenby was last of those who made the cut after a 74.